Unfaltering Confidence At The Flip Of A Switch!

   Self confidence seems to be a rare and much sought after commodity in this day and age. It is the one thing that clients come to me for help with more than any other challenge. It is important to your self-esteem, to your self image, to your relationships, to your career and to your business.

 

Beliefs – The Root of All Evil

 

A lack of self confidence has it’s roots in beliefs. Beliefs about who you are, what you are capable of, what you look like, what others think of you. Those beliefs have been formed throughout our lives, particularly in our formative years through feedback, or lack of it, from our parents, siblings, teachers, friends and other peers. That feedback may have been in the form of hurtful comments, chastisements, being made fun of or bullied, name-calling perhaps, kids and parents can be quite cruel with their comments can’t they?

 

When that happens with little or no counter-balance of positive encouragement and reinforcement, little praise when we do something good, little encouragement to develop our skills to our potential, a lack of cheering us on to flourish we end up with a lop-sided view of who we are and believe all of the negative things about ourselves. It devastates our confidence.

 

Plant Seeds In Good Soil

 

That confidence may have taken a bashing, the good news is there is always enough left, even the tiniest spec, that we can nurture and grow again and discover who we really are and the gifts we have to give through being confident again.

 

It begins with identifying those beliefs about ourselves that stop us being confident. What is it that scares you? Holds you back? What thoughts pop into your head? They most likely start with “I am [insert your favourite head trash here]”

 

The Truth Will Set You Free

 

Did you ever believe something in the past though that turned out to be not true? And although you believed it with all your heart at the time you have now recognised that it wasn’t real and now you have the truth. A new belief.

 

For instance, when you were little did you believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Clause? Sorry if I’m about to burst your bubble here – they were not real! And you know that now or for some people you perhaps believed that you were a new home owner, you just bought a new house, are you still a new home owner 10 years down the line though? Or have things changed?

 

So what you believe about yourself right now may well not be real, it’s just a perception that you have had of yourself and not questioned until right now.

 

 

 

You Are Amazing

 

So I want you now to find the truth about who you really are. What is the opposite of that old lie? If you were to remember now all of the great things about yourself that you have kept hidden what would the truth be?

 

Write down 40 things that are great about yourself, why are you amazing? What gifts do you have?

 

Once you have that list use it to create a new belief about yourself. When you create an identity for yourself your unconscious mind has no choice but to make that a reality. It has to make changes to ensure that what you believe is true for you.

 

Allow That Seed of Confidence To Grow

 

Now that the seeds of the new confident you have been sown keep them fed and watered so that they can blossom. Remind yourself every day how wonderful you are. Add to the list of 40 things every day for a week to reinforce your new belief.

 

Every morning before you leave the house and every night before you go to sleep close your eyes and see the new you doing something in your daily life with a new confidence. See yourself standing, walking and acting confidently. What is your new posture like? Hear the words that you say to your new confident self and that you say to others. Hear the words now spoken to you as people admire your new confidence and presence. Feel what it feels like to be in control, to be confident, to feel proud of who you are and what you have to give. Play it out in your mind making it as real and vivid as you possibly can. Visualisation accelerates progress as the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined. It thinks it IS you and therefore when you use it in real life it will be natural for you to be confident.

 

Smile, put your shoulders back and hold your head high and see what a difference it makes to those around you.

 

If you want to know more about being confident in every day social and business situations look out for more articles next month.

 

For information about coaching and training in confidence and self esteem contact Tracey Dowe

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

Or call 01793 700929

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

 

 

 

How to Build Rapport with anyone Instantly!

It’s my experience that people do business with people that they know, like and trust. If you could build stronger relationships with your potential clients faster –would that be of value to you and to your business?

Yes? Then read on.

People like people who are like themselves or who they aspire to become.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and yet felt instantly comfortable with them? As if you’ve know them for ages.

Have you ever though, met someone for the 1^st time and instantly disliked them or felt uncomfortable with them for no apparent reason?

Lots of sales people will say to me …well I’m already pretty good at rapport, I get on with most people….there’s always going to be a few that you don’t hit it off with.

I want to show you how you can get on with anyone, quickly and effectively so that you can do business with them. Even with the ones you wouldn’t normally hit it off with. This is important because they are the extra sales for your business and will give you the edge over the competition.

What is Rapport?

Rapport is that feeling of being comfortable with someone and trusting them.

A crucial component in any interaction particularly a sales interaction. It’s the first thing we need to establish and the most important thing to keep all the way through the presentation to the client.

We often don’t know WHY we like or dislike someone which makes me ask the question then “Where does rapport take place?”

In our minds we have two components - The conscious mind and the unconscious mind. The conscious mind likes to think it is in control. It’s the logical mind, the rational mind, the goal setting mind.

However, the unconscious mind is that part of us that runs the body. It’s the part that stays awake when we’re asleep, listening for the alarm clock. It’s the part that keeps us breathing without thinking about it, it keeps our heart beating and our spleen, dare I say it, spleening!

The conscious mind may set the goals but the unconscious mind is the part that gets the goals. It filters out irrelevant information and makes you take notice of the things you need to look out for, opportunities to meet your goal.

Rapport happens at the level of the unconscious mind so how can we use it consciously to help us build strong relationships quickly and easily?

How do you get into rapport with someone?

How To Get In Rapport

Start with the chit chat – Look for common interests, hobbies, acquaintances, places you have been to, styles of clothing you might like etc. Find some things in common by having a little chat before the sales process begins. You are looking to put them at ease and enjoy having you there.

In order to have this conversation and find the common experiences we have to exchange words AND you need to have good listening skills to notice what information they are giving so that you can use to good effect. You need to be ACTIVELY listening – all too often we’re so busy thinking about what we want to say next that we are not concentrating on what the other person is saying. Key point – be present with your client at all times.

Notice also the language that people use when they talk.

Now obviously I don’t mean are they speaking English or Portuguese here! I mean how do they choose to internally represent the world outside?

People tend to have what is called a dominant or preferred thinking style.

People prefer to communicate in one of three ways:-

Visual

Auditory

Kinaesthetic

We all use all three – we just have one that we prefer to use one more than the others.

What to look for……

If someone likes to communicate using their auditory senses they might use phrases such as

“I hear what you’re saying”

“That rings a bell”

“Tell me more”

If someone likes to communicate using their visual senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the picture”

“I see what you mean”

“Can you imagine that?”

If someone likes to communicate using their kinaesthetic senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the feeling that…”

“I need concrete evidence”

“Give me hard facts”

If you are talking to a client and you just don’t seem to be getting the connection or the understanding that you need – stop and ask yourself – how am I different to them?

It may be that you are speaking a “foreign” language perhaps by noticing their preferred style of communication and adjusting yours to match you’ll achieve rapport.

It’s Not Just The Words You Use

Studies have shown that only 7% of what is communicated between people is transmitted through the words themselves.

38% comes through the tone of the voice, the tempo, the volume and the timbre – or individual characteristics of the voice and

55% of communication, by far the largest part is a result of physiology or body language.

Let’s first understand what is meant by the characteristics of the voice.

You could mirror the tonality and phrasing, the pitch, the speed, volume, tempo – what sort of pauses does that person make?

What about the BIG bit though?

Body language or physiology – one of the fastest ways to build rapport with another person is to mirror and match their body language.

What aspects of another person’s body language could we mirror or match?

The facial expressions,

The gestures,

The quality and type of movements,

Mirror or copy posture….do they stand or sit up straight or are they slouched? Do they have their legs crossed or not? Do they have there hands in their lap or their arms folded or resting their hand on their chin?

Do they make lots of eye contact? What are their facial expressions….if they are looking sad – you wouldn’t want to be sitting there with a big grin on your face!

How do they breathe………long deep breaths, short shallow breaths?

Do they tilt their head to one side……you can mirror all of these things.

Obviously you might want to be a little subtle at times, mirroring and matching some part of their physiology not copying every posture and move – if they notice you’ve blown it! So use it wisely.

Combine that with matching the words or language that they use and you will have them as your friend in no time because whilst the words are working on the persons conscious mind, the physiology is working on the unconscious minds and the brain starts to think WOW! They’re like me!

Practice it, master it and watch your business grow!!

Watch for my next article – I Am In Rapport, Now What? Eliciting Buying Strategies.

For further information on this subject and to discover how coaching and training n this subject can help you and your business grow contact Tracey Dowe at Momentum People Ltd

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

tel: 01793 700929

Weighty Words

Weight Loss and dieting are something that will be on the minds of many of you as the weather starts to get better and our thoughts turn to those summer holidays. There are hundreds of diets and exercise programs out there to choose from yet it’s more a function of how we think than what we eat. ‘Yo-yo’ dieting is an all too common occurrence. Why do we eat foods we KNOW add weight and inches to our waist and hips? Why do we sit in front of the tube for hours at a time instead of going for that wonderful walk in the park? The answer lies in our MINDS.

You’ve all heard of the saying “You are what you eat”

WRONG!

You are what you think.

It’s not just what you put in your mouth that affects how you look, it’s the words that you put in your head that does it. We all have conversations with ourselves though we don’t all like to admit it and how often do you take the time to really analyse that self talk? Stop and notice, are the words positive or negative? Do they make us feel fantastic or faulty? Do we tell ourselves how great we are? How awesome we feel? Do we tell ourselves “Hey – I love you, you’re amazing!!”

Take a minute now and tell yourself what you like about yourself. You will be amazed how difficult it is to do. We’re just not used to it. We’re used to putting ourselves down instead. “Look at me still fat” “I can’t believe I can’t lose the weight” “I can’t believe I put it all back on again, I’m hopeless.”

If you talk to yourself in a positive way, what do you think happens to your state? What happens to your confidence? It soars doesn’t it? Your unconscious mind then hears how great you are and must do what ever it takes to be congruent with your identity, therefore it has to do what it takes to make you great. If it hears that you’re a failure, it has to make you a failure.

So the words that you speak to yourself with are absolutely key in every area of your life, including your body shape and weight.

The unconscious mind needs to be spoken to in the positive as it does not recognise negatives. Let me demonstrate that to you really quickly. Right now don’t think of a pink elephant. Don’t think of it. What did you immediately think of? Yep, right before you switched your thoughts you thought of a pink elephant! So, when setting targets be sure to tell it what you want not what you don’t want otherwise what you don’t want is what you’ll get.

Set clear goals for your health and weight. For instance I want to be Xstone and Ylb instead of I want to lose xxxx lbs. I want to be able to run this distance instead of I don’t want to be tired any more. Get the idea? Great. Along side those clear goals write down what it means to have achieved those goals, as if you already have. What has it given you? How do you feel? How does it affect those around you?

Equally, if you don’t reach them what will it cost you in terms of who you are, how you feel? How you look? How is your self-esteem now? Really get some leverage on yourself here.

Finally, only share your goals with people who will support you through the ups and downs, cheer you on and challenge you, remind you why you’re doing it and tell you how proud they are of you. You become the people that you spend the most time with so pick your peers carefully.

There is so much more to learn about how your unconscious mind can support you in reaching your health and weight goals. I hope that you’ll look out for more information here and ask me about it if we meet.

For further information about this subject, coaching on health issues or training events contact:-

Tracey Dowe

Email Tracey.dow@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

Tel: 01793 700929

Learn and Let Go

It’s just coming up to two years since I moved to Swindon. I lived in a four bedroom house with lots of cupboard space, wardrobe space, attic space and a big garage. All that space is great to have, you can fill it with everything you collect over the years and hardly notice it’s there. And I filled every space to full rather than throw stuff out. How many of you have spaces just like these that you fill with all kinds of stuff you don’t know what to do with? Maybe you keep your old bicycles and cans of paint or whatever it is. Often times I never took the time to go inside and find out what was in there. However I was forced to when it was time to move forward as I had decided to move house. When life said that I had to move forward I had to go inside, and I went inside and I looked at all the stuff I had accumulated over time.

There were lots of things that I wanted to keep as I really liked them and there were lots of things that I wondered why on earth am I holding on to this? Why am I holding onto clothes I haven’t worn for years and gifts that I was given that somebody thought was a gift that makes no sense to me. And it made me think how often do we hold on to stuff that we get from other people instead of just deciding to let it go? Especially if it doesn’t fit. For example how many of you have got that Christmas sweater from a crazy aunt with a polar bear on the front and you put on that smile and say “thank you so much” and you never wear it but you hold onto it because you think you have to, you think that now you own it. You think that just because somebody gives something to you that you have to hold on to it.

Now I was moving to be with my sweetheart to the house that he already lived in. There was no way that I could take all of this stuff with me even thought we would be looking for a new house after I got there, all of this stuff wouldn’t fit into his space. And I realised that the cost of storing all of this stuff would be expensive and that I really had to prioritise what was important to me to keep and what I could not afford to pay that high price for to hold on to it.

At night as I would fall asleep I would think about what was inside all around me. Even in my dreams I would start to go inside and look and see what stuff doesn’t make sense any more? What stuff have I been holding on to that it’s simply time to let it go? Because the cost of moving forward with all that stuff was so high. How many of you have moved before and you find you keep on moving and you bring all of that stuff with you. And you keep on telling yourself “I’ll get rid of it one of these days, I’ll get rid of it or lose it or something” but you keep on holding on to it?

How many of you have ever been travelling and your bags didn’t come with you? All your stuff is lost and it’s painful but inside there’s that little part of you that’s say “Ooh! This is great” Why? Because I get to get something what?

That’s right, I get to get something new. So you go out and you buy new clothes and you try on new things and you want to see what fits you because obviously you were always growing, stuff is always fitting us at different times. Things that used to fit us obviously no longer fit us. It’s a bit like nappies, we all wore nappies as a baby but are we still wearing nappies now? No!! Why not? Because we out grew it. So sometimes as we out grow things we have to let them go.

So this one time I went out and I bought this whole new wardrobe, it was great. Excellent! New skirts, new tops, everything. And then the airline called and guess what? That’s right, they had found my bags. And it was interesting, when the bags showed up, all beat us as I’d been lugging these things all around the world, I took the clothes out and I compared them to the new things that I was wearing and the new things just seemed to fit a little better. I had to decide, did I was to lug all of this stuff around and I looked at the old stuff and I thought you know what? They served me for a while. They kept me protected from the cold or from whatever, and I realised that it had served it’s purpose. I had something better and I valued this new stuff much, much more. It was simply time to just let it go.

Once I let it go, donated it, I felt so free and I thought to myself “Gosh! I could have got rid of that stuff a long time ago” but sometimes right now seems like a much better time to simply let stuff go if it no longer fits you. I realised that I can get rid of stuff any time I want to I don’t have to wait for life to come and take things away from me I can simply say “You know what? This no longer fits, I’m growing up, it’s time to let the old stuff just go.

Some of the things I decided not to let go of though was all the knowledge or all of the learnings because over my life I’ve been learning so much I’ve been learning from my friends, from my parents, from my colleagues and so on, and I realised that as long as I hold on to the learning that’s always going to serve me going forward. So I keep the learnings in side to use when ever I need them and simply let the stuff go.

Visualisation – Your Amazing Mind!

Your mind is an amazing, powerful and creative tool. With it you have an awesome capacity to change how you feel long-term by creating your future right now.

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. – William A. Ward

You not only have the ability to remember events and re-run them in your mind, but you are also capable of creating events or feelings in your imagination before they actually occur. You do this all the time; when you are looking forward to a holiday you have booked or when you have planned a night out. You think about how it’s going to be and build up an expectation of how it will play out don’t you?

Athletes use this ability to practice their techniques and to run the races before they have even stepped out of the starting blocks. Golfers use it to practice their swing, musicians use it to practice their performances before the big day. The incredible thing is — and I love this – the mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined visually.

Wow! How cool is that?! If you imagine your future vividly – it becomes your reality.

So if you want to feel fantastic, have tons of energy, be happy, successful and abundant in every good way, the secret is to start that process right now in your imagination. How?

Everyday set aside ten minutes each morning and ten minutes every night to do this. Sit quietly, close your eyes and let the process begin.

In your imagination see yourself as the person you would LOVE to become. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? How does it feel? Breathe deeply and soak it all in. Now make the picture brighter, add more colour to it. What are you saying to yourself or others around you? Make the feelings stronger, feel the emotions you’re feeling more intensely. Smile as you see yourself being amazing, as you feel an incredible inner strength, joy and confidence! Now turn the sound up. Make the vision even more real!

As you experience the joy and passion of who you are, give thanks for it as if it has already happened, as if it is happening right now in this very moment. Celebrate the new you! Celebrate the moment and make it real. Do this over and over again, for all the ways you want to change, for all the new things you want to do, for all the new, powerful feelings you want to experience. Live the life you deserve the way you want to NOW and you will be well on your way to making it your reality!

 

To find out more about your amazing mind contact tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk or log in to www.momentumpeople.co.uk

Re-light My Fire – Ignite the Passion and Romance once more

You’ve been together a number of years and you love each other very much. The passion and chemistry of the early months and years is now a distant memory, it was great while it lasted but your relationship is in it’s next phase now. Isn’t that what people call it when the romance goes and the “comfy with each other but not on fire” sets in?

 

How would you like to re-kindle that excitement between you? Create that spark that once burned so bright? Have your significant other fall totally and utterly head-over-heals again?

 

I can teach you very quickly how to do just that. Sound good??

 

Well, it’s actually very easy you just need to take a little time to ask some very important questions, discover what their strategy is for feeling loved by you.

Everyone has unique triggers or anchors that cause them to feel love and/or attraction. When you first get together you want to do everything to please the other person so you tap into all of these. As time goes on in a relationship you still love the person but do you still have the same intensity or focus on the relationship? You probably don’t express your love in the same way as you did back in the courting stages..

 

 Human beings have a specific set of triggers that cause us to feel deep feelings of love

 

Some of us need to be SHOWN we are loved. We need people to buy us things or take us places or look at us with a certain incredible loving look and there’s NOTHING! Nothing in this world that creates a deeper feeling of love for this type of person than that strategy.

 

For other people…you can show them all day long how much you love them but they need to HEAR it. They need to hear the words I love you – with a certain tonality, with a certain tempo and a certain way and unless you say it just like that it’s not going to work.

 

For other people, you can tell them all day long – you can show them, but unless you TOUCH them in a very specific way they’ll never feel the deepest level of love. They may feel like you love them generally, and that you’re close but the deepest feeling of love is triggered differently for every person you’ll meet.

 

So after the courting stage….when you expressed your love for this person…who’s love strategy do you express your love in???

 

Did you find out what makes them feel loved…..or did you assume that they would feel love the same way you do? That it’s triggered in the same way?

 

In the beginning you do it all, so you feel loved. Then you continue but show them love by your strategy. One day…they’re going to question whether you love them…or you will question whether they love you.

 

If you want your relationship to be deeply loving and passionate you have to know what the other person’s strategy is. Find out what makes them feel MOST loved. Ask the person that you are in a relationship with this question:-

 

“Can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

 Then use the process of elimination to find out which one of these three is strongest for them.

 

 “In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I show you I love you by buying you things, taking you places, or looking at you in a certain way?”

 

 If you get an non committal answer then ask:-

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

Make sure they can remember a specific time and then continue

 

“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I tell you I love you in a certain way?”

 

If they say  “well, yeah” or something like that you may be closer but it isn’t it so ask this –

 

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?” put them back in state….…..“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I touch you in a certain way?” 

 

One of these questions will give you the right answer. If it’s touch…find out the specific touch. Communicate every single day and use their strategy. Reach them at the deepest level.

 

Work at creating moments and positive anchors. Take time to do something special together at least once a month. Be spontaneous.

 

To make your relationship work…give what you want to receive in that relationship. If you want respect then give respect. If you want love then give tons of love. If you want passion then give tons of passion. Give what you want and you will receive back everything that you want.

 

The quality of a relationship comes down to the quality of your commitment to making it work. Nothing in life that has any value can be created without absolute commitment. Relationships are the essence of life. The more deeply you can share with another human being life’s experience…the greater quality of life you will live.

How to create an Extraordinary Relationship

1. Learn to love yourself.

You can’t give to other people what you haven’t learned to give yourself. How do you expect any one else to cherish you, love you and adore you when you do not treat yourself in this way?

All relationships start with YOU.

Write down 10 things that you love about being you.

Write down 10 of the wonderful qualities that you have.

Write down 10 things that you can do to show your appreciation for you.

2. Select the qualities you need in a relationship.

When looking for anything in life be it a person, and object, a job or a holiday you first have to decide EXACTLY what it is that you are looking for. Otherwise you will just drift, never knowing if you have found the right one or not. It’s no different when looking for your ideal partner.

How do we normally meet someone? In a bar or club, at work maybe or because they share a common interest? We just both happened to be in the same place and were both needing someone. You hit it off, have something in common and the chemistry kicks in. It’s a whirlwind of emotions, you get together…time goes by and when the chemistry fades you’re left wondering why you’re together.

By setting out our wants, needs and must-haves in a relationship in advance we run a much lesser risk of spending a long time with the wrong person. When the chemistry kicks in and common sense disappears at least you have a pre-defined list of what you want to compare this person with to know if they are really what you were looking for. It’s so important to set out what we absolutely must have (and absolutely must NOT!) in advance if we are truly to find the Mr or Miss Right for us.

• Define your Ultimate Soulmate

Who is the man/lady of your dreams? What physical attributes do they have? What height are they? What weight? What colour hair and eyes? What age are they? What do they wear and look great in?

What career do they have? What kind of income?

What hobbies and interests do they have?

Should they have kids? Should they want kids? Should they have none and want none??

What characteristics do they have? Are they funny and witty? Intelligent? More intelligent than you or less intelligent than you? Do they like to keep fit or to relax a lot? Do they play sport or the PSP?

Are they vegetarian or a red-blooded meat eater? Do they like to socialise or are they quiet shy and retiring? Are they extrovert or introvert? Life and soul of a party or a wall flower?

Who is your ideal partner.

Which of these is a MUST and which would be great to have?

• Mate from hell!

Normally I would not even go to the negatives but here, well, it is SO important to have this list to combat making a poor partner decision when the chemistry is raging. List below all of the attributes this person must no way have. What will you absolutely not stand for in a person or relationship?

This one is probably easier than the first as we usually know what we don’t want better than what we do, so go on….make that list!

For example:-

I will absolutely NOT have a person who is abusive mentally or physically. No coach potatoes. No rudeness. No-one who is foul-mouthed. Etc.

Your turn.

• Define the Ultimate Relationship

Describe now the relationship you will have with your ideal person. What will you do together? Where will you go? What goals will you share. What will people say about you as a couple. Write down everything about your ideal relationship.

3. The final step

So here it is, the final step in the journey to finding your ideal mate.

No matter where you go and what you do to find this ideal mate your past relationships and your future ones all have one thing in common.

You take YOU with you.

So – in order to succeed in love….

What kind of person would YOU have to be to attract your ideal mate?

Like attracts like. That’s the basis of rapport and rapport gives us that deeper connection. You need to become the sort of person you would like to find. Describe the values, characteristics, conduct, and habits you would need in order to deserve the mate you just described.

So, I hope that you have written down the answers to all of the questions above. When you commit to finding this ideal person and become the person you want to be with some ting magical happens and I know from my experience that this absolutely works.

I wish you every success in finding true love and hope that you will share your experiences with us too.

Love and Blessings

SWISH!!!!

A fantastic way of changing your focus INSTANTLY is by using something called a swish. The Swish Pattern was developed in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to develop self-esteem and it can be used at will whenever you want to replace an undesirable state with an empowering one.

The swish conditions your brain so that as soon as you start to think about something you know makes you feel a certain way, e.g., lonely or sad – as soon as those thoughts and feelings begin, your brain instantly recognises them and replaces them with an empowering set of thoughts, feelings and visions of the new energetic you!

How cool a tool is that to have at your disposal?! And the beauty of it is you can use it for so many thoughts and feelings, it’s really quick and easy to do, and it can be a permanent fixture once installed! So, how to create a swish pattern?

You may need to read through the instructions a couple of times to understand them fully before trying it, and practice makes perfect – repeat it over and over and over to make sure it gets anchored in. It may sound silly and feel strange at first, but if you do this and really get it fixed it will happen naturally when you choose to use it. Often this occurrence will be very powerful.

1. Identify a habit or feeling that you would like to change. Maybe it’s biting your nails, maybe it’s over eating, maybe it’s feeling a lack of confidence. Whatever it is for you.
2. How do you know it’s time to do or feel that thing? I mean, what is the point of no return for you – that action or thought that triggers be behaviour and you just can’t stop yourself? For example with a nail biter – is it lifting your hands to your mouth? Or is it when your fingers touch your lips? Or, is it when you have the nail between your teeth?? What IS that point of no return for you?
3. Do you have a picture of yourself looking through your own eyes, doing this behaviour of feeling this feeling? See that picture now as if you are in it, doing it.
4. Now – what is the behaviour you would rather have? Or the feeling you’d rather feel? Do you have a picture? See yourself in the picture doing this new behaviour of feeling the new feeling.
5. See the image of you as BIG, BRIGHT and COLOURFUL! Hear this ‘you’ say, “I feel good about myself” (or even stronger, inspiring words), and let the words wash over you, let them echo around you. Make it strong enough that you can FEEL THE GOOD FEELINGS!
6. Excellent. Now, close your eyes and see the old picture of you as you do the old habit big and clear in front of you.
7. Shrink the WONDERFUL YOU image down until it’s a sparkling dot and place it in the bottom left hand corner of the image of the negative you.
8. Reach down with the opposite hand and grab the corner of the small picture of you in the corner and pull it up diagonally in front of you. Notice that as you bring it up and across the old picture the sparkling dot containing the WONDERFUL YOU begins to grow, enlarging until it becomes full size and in full colour. Meanwhile the negative image is shrinking, fading, becoming duller. It finally disintegrates (with a ‘Swisssh’) while you hear the positive words reverberate around you and you feel the positive empowering feelings inside.
9. Next open your eyes to blank the ‘screen’ and repeat the above (step 4), starting with the sparkling dot in the corner 20 more times, faster and faster each time. (I said 20 and I mean 20!!! Don’t be cheating yourself by thinking you can do fewer!!)
10. Test yourself. Does thinking of the unpleasant image automatically bring on the positive image and feelings? If not, repeat another 10 times, and test it again.
11. Let the positive image be multiplied. Create thousands of copies, one behind another. Then, leaving one image right in front of you, toss the rest into the air and let them settle down all around you in concentric circles as far as you can see, in the past, present, and future. Hear them all say, “I feel good about myself” “I am confident and successful” “I passionate and positive” “I am a winner”. Allow those good feelings to wash over you.

Practice -

Test it!

Use it!

Get in to Focus

We go through life living each and every day and at the end of each day we decide if it was a good day or a bad day. We get part way through a day and some times it can change from a good day to a bad day or the other way round. Did you ever stop and consider what makes it a good or bad day? Was it the events of the day? Or was it how we felt that day? There are days, aren’t there, when things don’t go our way and yet we still feel great. Other days, things go great and yet we still feel lousy, or, worse than that, we fail to feel anything. Why is that? What makes you feel good or bad or nothing as you go through your day?

 

Well, what you focus your thoughts and attention on at any moment in the day determines how you feel in that moment. And, how you feel emotionally will determine how alive you feel inside and how much energy you have. Think about it with me right now. How do you feel in this moment? Happy? Sad? Curious? Challenged? Write down what that feeling was.

 

Now, write down what were you thinking about in the minutes leading up to that question? If you were feeling pretty happy, were you thinking about something that made you happy? If you were feeling curious, were you asking questions? If you were feeling frustrated, were you thinking about something that happened that was frustrating?  What do you think about on a regular basis? Are there things that you have a habit of thinking about over and over?  How does it make you feel?

 

If you’ve been thinking about something really exciting, a new opportunity, something that you’re looking forward to, something you know is going to be fantastic then I can bet that you’re feeling pretty enthusiastic, excited and happy right now! And if you had to measure your energy level on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being low, 10 being high, where’s your energy level now?  Between eight and ten at a guess.

 

If you’ve been thinking about something you want to do but think you can’t because it’s too hard or it’s something that ‘only other people get to do’, or maybe thinking about things that have gone wrong for you how do you feel?  Pretty down, deflated, low, sad or upset? What’s your energy like now on a scale of 1 – 10? A two or three maybe?

 

You see, what you focus on i.e. what you think about most, is what you feel. What you feel determines your level of energy and how you see the world and how you see the world is your reality. If you focus on something being hard then life feels hard. Your reality is that life is a struggle; it saps your energy leaving you sad, tired and depressed. If on the other hand your focus is on the good things in life, if you’re optimistic and cheerful then your reality is very different isn’t it? You have a smile. You have more energy. You have a bounce in your walk – a spring in your step. Life feels good!

 

Your energy and passion for life are totally dependent up on what you think about each minute of each day and what your state of mind is like in each moment.

 

Let me ask you a question. Do you notice what you think about? When you’re feeling low or frustrated, when you’re in a negative frame of mind — do you relate it to what you’re thinking about? In turn, when you are feeling tired, down or sad — did you notice what you’d been thinking about to be in that place? Your feelings are absolutely the key to having energy, passion and purpose in your life! They are dictated by our thoughts and our thoughts ultimately dictate our reality. So what you focus on is what you feel. What you feel determines your reality and your reality determines how much energy you feel and can give out.

 

I LOVE the passion and energy that I have in my life. I praise my God for it every day! It is awesome to wake up raring to go every morning. It feels incredible to have a big smile on my face all the time and to bounce through my days with such excitement and enthusiasm. It rocks! I want YOU to feel this way too! Why do I have it? Because I DECIDED to have it.

 

I spent so long in a bad frame of mind and suddenly, one day I realised I was low because I was feeling sorry for myself. I had no energy because I felt low. In that moment I DECIDED No more! I would never again allow myself to feel that way.

I was in charge and I was deciding that the new me was Alive and Loving it.

I jumped out of my chair, punched the air and shouted – This is NOT who I am! I’m alive and loving it! I have ENERGY and PASSION!  Wuhooooo! I can be me!!

 

 

You have to change your focus to change your feelings.

 

 

Did you spot what I did there? I noticed that my feelings were linked to my thoughts. I felt low because I was thinking about how life sucked and how lonely I felt and how unfair it all was! As soon as I realised that I also realised that what I focus on, i.e. what I think about is up to me. It’s my mind and I have control over it. I call the shots!  It’s up to me to choose to think about something else if what I’m thinking about is making me feel bad. So I DECIDED that was not me. I changed my focus to who I wanted to be. I thought about what I could be. I caught a glimpse of that person and it FELT good to be her and I liked it! I suddenly leapt out of my chair because as my thoughts changed my energy level also changed and I wanted to move, shout and jump around to celebrate the new me! So you see – by changing your focus, i.e. what you’re thinking about, you can instantly change how you feel in your emotion and your energy.

 

The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvass of our lives

 

Think about good things and you will feel good. Try it! Now think about a time in your life when you were truly happy. Everything was just right and you felt fantastic! Think about it, see it now. How do you feel right now? Happy? We can instantly go to memories and events from our past to change our mood.

 

Another way to change your focus would be to think about something completely different. Switch your thoughts to what’s going on around you. What’s happening outside? Listen to the background music. Notice the flowers in the garden or the birds singing in the tree outside. Take your mind off yourself for a while and see how different it makes you feel. One of the best things you can do if you’re feeling sad, lonely or frustrated is to forget yourself and go do something for someone else. Go give something. Go speak to someone or go ask if you can help in any way. You will notice a major change in how you feel. Giving to others always brings you a reward of satisfaction and joy.

 

So the next time you feel bored, lonely, sad, frustrated, tired DECIDE to think of something else. Notice what you’re thinking about and go DO something. Then make a note of both so you can use it to change how you think and how you can celebrate your progress!

 

Presenting on the Radio!?!

Last week saw the start of a new adventure for me, I began a short course to learn how to present a radio show! The radio station will be Community Radio Swindon, a brand new radio station for the community by the community of Swindon and will launch on the 14^th January 2008. Great excitement!!…..and more program presenters needed!!

So last week, my 1^st week on the course was really just an introduction to programming and a play with the equipment. I learned what a play out system was and how to use it. Which faders went to which and microphone and when to use them. How to listen to one track whilst playing another on air and all of that good stuff! We discussed what went into a radio program, the content and how the time is filled. My homework is to put together a running order for a half hour show to go out on a week day morning.

Introduction to yourself and the program

What music would you play?

Would you have a guest?

Will there be a phone in? and if so what about?

Is there news or a headline preview?

Time checks

Traffic reports

What’s on locally?

So – here’s my plan for a half hour show……

Good morning and welcome to Community Radio Swindon this wonderful Wednesday morning. I’m Tracey Dowe, TeeJay to my friends….and I hope I can call you all my friends…so TeeJay to you too…….and I’m with you until 11.30 this morning. It ‘s the New Year and a new show and like you I’ve started both with all good intentions. It’s a time to make resolutions, decide on our goals for the year, plan what we want to do, where we want to be and for some of us…deeper than that…..to plan who we want to become. Today we’re going to chat about how to give your self the best possible start to the New Year and how to turn those resolutions into actions and Results!

But first let’s play a little music……as last years is now history and we plan for the new one ….Queen…Another on bites the dust!(4mins)

Great record isn’t it?! Another one bites the dust! And didn’t last year fly by? They just seem to get quicker and quicker don’t they? So 2007 is now history and it’s time to decide how to be great in 2008! In a moment or two we’re going to open up the phone lines and find out just what your NY resolutions are and how you plan on achieving them…..so get dialling and let us know by calling 01793 xxxxxx now!

(Next record) Let’s hear what magic you’re going to create for yourself this year…..

“You can do magic – America (3 min 55)

Take a few calls – 5 mins

Record How to be a millionaire – ABC (3min 40)

More calls 5 mins

Record – Life will never be the same - Haddaway (3.40)

Fantastic record, brings back some powerful memories! Thanks to all of our phone in listeners for sharing their dreams with us and we wish them every success too. Stay tuned in the coming weeks for more on how to dream, set goals and more importantly how to make them happen!

Next up on air with you is the lovely xxxxxxx…….

I leave you with Stevie Winwood…finer things…have a great day!!!

So…that was my home work. I hope to turn it into a reality on air in the New Year on a longer than 30 mins show so that I can actually lead listeners through a goals setting workshop on air – that would be so cool!

Let me know what you think!!!