Archive for the ‘belief’ category

Unfaltering Confidence At The Flip Of A Switch!

April 2, 2008

   j0386802.jpg Self confidence seems to be a rare and much sought after commodity in this day and age. It is the one thing that clients come to me for help with more than any other challenge. It is important to your self-esteem, to your self image, to your relationships, to your career and to your business.

 

Beliefs – The Root of All Evil

 

A lack of self confidence has it’s roots in beliefs. Beliefs about who you are, what you are capable of, what you look like, what others think of you. Those beliefs have been formed throughout our lives, particularly in our formative years through feedback, or lack of it, from our parents, siblings, teachers, friends and other peers. That feedback may have been in the form of hurtful comments, chastisements, being made fun of or bullied, name-calling perhaps, kids and parents can be quite cruel with their comments can’t they?

 

When that happens with little or no counter-balance of positive encouragement and reinforcement, little praise when we do something good, little encouragement to develop our skills to our potential, a lack of cheering us on to flourish we end up with a lop-sided view of who we are and believe all of the negative things about ourselves. It devastates our confidence.

 

Plant Seeds In Good Soil

 

That confidence may have taken a bashing, the good news is there is always enough left, even the tiniest spec, that we can nurture and grow again and discover who we really are and the gifts we have to give through being confident again.

 

It begins with identifying those beliefs about ourselves that stop us being confident. What is it that scares you? Holds you back? What thoughts pop into your head? They most likely start with “I am [insert your favourite head trash here]”

 

The Truth Will Set You Free

 

Did you ever believe something in the past though that turned out to be not true? And although you believed it with all your heart at the time you have now recognised that it wasn’t real and now you have the truth. A new belief.

 

For instance, when you were little did you believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Clause? Sorry if I’m about to burst your bubble here – they were not real! And you know that now or for some people you perhaps believed that you were a new home owner, you just bought a new house, are you still a new home owner 10 years down the line though? Or have things changed?

 

So what you believe about yourself right now may well not be real, it’s just a perception that you have had of yourself and not questioned until right now.

 

 

 

You Are Amazing

 

So I want you now to find the truth about who you really are. What is the opposite of that old lie? If you were to remember now all of the great things about yourself that you have kept hidden what would the truth be?

 

Write down 40 things that are great about yourself, why are you amazing? What gifts do you have?

 

Once you have that list use it to create a new belief about yourself. When you create an identity for yourself your unconscious mind has no choice but to make that a reality. It has to make changes to ensure that what you believe is true for you.

 

Allow That Seed of Confidence To Grow

 

Now that the seeds of the new confident you have been sown keep them fed and watered so that they can blossom. Remind yourself every day how wonderful you are. Add to the list of 40 things every day for a week to reinforce your new belief.

 

Every morning before you leave the house and every night before you go to sleep close your eyes and see the new you doing something in your daily life with a new confidence. See yourself standing, walking and acting confidently. What is your new posture like? Hear the words that you say to your new confident self and that you say to others. Hear the words now spoken to you as people admire your new confidence and presence. Feel what it feels like to be in control, to be confident, to feel proud of who you are and what you have to give. Play it out in your mind making it as real and vivid as you possibly can. Visualisation accelerates progress as the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined. It thinks it IS you and therefore when you use it in real life it will be natural for you to be confident.

 

Smile, put your shoulders back and hold your head high and see what a difference it makes to those around you.

 

If you want to know more about being confident in every day social and business situations look out for more articles next month.

 

For information about coaching and training in confidence and self esteem contact Tracey Dowe

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

Or call 01793 700929

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

 

 

 

Visualisation – Your Amazing Mind!

February 19, 2008


j0433055.jpg Your mind is an amazing, powerful and creative tool. With it you have an awesome capacity to change how you feel long-term by creating your future right now.

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. – William A. Ward

You not only have the ability to remember events and re-run them in your mind, but you are also capable of creating events or feelings in your imagination before they actually occur. You do this all the time; when you are looking forward to a holiday you have booked or when you have planned a night out. You think about how it’s going to be and build up an expectation of how it will play out don’t you?

Athletes use this ability to practice their techniques and to run the races before they have even stepped out of the starting blocks. Golfers use it to practice their swing, musicians use it to practice their performances before the big day. The incredible thing is — and I love this – the mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined visually.

Wow! How cool is that?! If you imagine your future vividly – it becomes your reality.

So if you want to feel fantastic, have tons of energy, be happy, successful and abundant in every good way, the secret is to start that process right now in your imagination. How?

Everyday set aside ten minutes each morning and ten minutes every night to do this. Sit quietly, close your eyes and let the process begin.

In your imagination see yourself as the person you would LOVE to become. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? How does it feel? Breathe deeply and soak it all in. Now make the picture brighter, add more colour to it. What are you saying to yourself or others around you? Make the feelings stronger, feel the emotions you’re feeling more intensely. Smile as you see yourself being amazing, as you feel an incredible inner strength, joy and confidence! Now turn the sound up. Make the vision even more real!

As you experience the joy and passion of who you are, give thanks for it as if it has already happened, as if it is happening right now in this very moment. Celebrate the new you! Celebrate the moment and make it real. Do this over and over again, for all the ways you want to change, for all the new things you want to do, for all the new, powerful feelings you want to experience. Live the life you deserve the way you want to NOW and you will be well on your way to making it your reality!

 

To find out more about your amazing mind contact tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk or log in to http://www.momentumpeople.co.uk

SWISH!!!!

January 31, 2008

j0341393.jpgA fantastic way of changing your focus INSTANTLY is by using something called a swish. The Swish Pattern was developed in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to develop self-esteem and it can be used at will whenever you want to replace an undesirable state with an empowering one.

The swish conditions your brain so that as soon as you start to think about something you know makes you feel a certain way, e.g., lonely or sad – as soon as those thoughts and feelings begin, your brain instantly recognises them and replaces them with an empowering set of thoughts, feelings and visions of the new energetic you!

How cool a tool is that to have at your disposal?! And the beauty of it is you can use it for so many thoughts and feelings, it’s really quick and easy to do, and it can be a permanent fixture once installed! So, how to create a swish pattern?

You may need to read through the instructions a couple of times to understand them fully before trying it, and practice makes perfect – repeat it over and over and over to make sure it gets anchored in. It may sound silly and feel strange at first, but if you do this and really get it fixed it will happen naturally when you choose to use it. Often this occurrence will be very powerful.

  1. Identify a habit or feeling that you would like to change. Maybe it’s biting your nails, maybe it’s over eating, maybe it’s feeling a lack of confidence. Whatever it is for you.
  2. How do you know it’s time to do or feel that thing? I mean, what is the point of no return for you – that action or thought that triggers be behaviour and you just can’t stop yourself? For example with a nail biter – is it lifting your hands to your mouth? Or is it when your fingers touch your lips? Or, is it when you have the nail between your teeth?? What IS that point of no return for you?
  3. Do you have a picture of yourself looking through your own eyes, doing this behaviour of feeling this feeling? See that picture now as if you are in it, doing it.
  4. Now – what is the behaviour you would rather have? Or the feeling you’d rather feel? Do you have a picture? See yourself in the picture doing this new behaviour of feeling the new feeling.
  5. See the image of you as BIG, BRIGHT and COLOURFUL! Hear this ‘you’ say, “I feel good about myself” (or even stronger, inspiring words), and let the words wash over you, let them echo around you. Make it strong enough that you can FEEL THE GOOD FEELINGS!
  6. Excellent. Now, close your eyes and see the old picture of you as you do the old habit big and clear in front of you.
  7. Shrink the WONDERFUL YOU image down until it’s a sparkling dot and place it in the bottom left hand corner of the image of the negative you.
  8. Reach down with the opposite hand and grab the corner of the small picture of you in the corner and pull it up diagonally in front of you. Notice that as you bring it up and across the old picture the sparkling dot containing the WONDERFUL YOU begins to grow, enlarging until it becomes full size and in full colour. Meanwhile the negative image is shrinking, fading, becoming duller. It finally disintegrates (with a ‘Swisssh’) while you hear the positive words reverberate around you and you feel the positive empowering feelings inside.
  9. Next open your eyes to blank the ‘screen’ and repeat the above (step 4), starting with the sparkling dot in the corner 20 more times, faster and faster each time. (I said 20 and I mean 20!!! Don’t be cheating yourself by thinking you can do fewer!!)
  10. Test yourself. Does thinking of the unpleasant image automatically bring on the positive image and feelings? If not, repeat another 10 times, and test it again.
  11. Let the positive image be multiplied. Create thousands of copies, one behind another. Then, leaving one image right in front of you, toss the rest into the air and let them settle down all around you in concentric circles as far as you can see, in the past, present, and future. Hear them all say, “I feel good about myself” “I am confident and successful” “I passionate and positive” “I am a winner”. Allow those good feelings to wash over you.

Practice –

Test it!

Use it!

Get in to Focus

January 6, 2008

j0399971.jpgWe go through life living each and every day and at the end of each day we decide if it was a good day or a bad day. We get part way through a day and some times it can change from a good day to a bad day or the other way round. Did you ever stop and consider what makes it a good or bad day? Was it the events of the day? Or was it how we felt that day? There are days, aren’t there, when things don’t go our way and yet we still feel great. Other days, things go great and yet we still feel lousy, or, worse than that, we fail to feel anything. Why is that? What makes you feel good or bad or nothing as you go through your day?

 

Well, what you focus your thoughts and attention on at any moment in the day determines how you feel in that moment. And, how you feel emotionally will determine how alive you feel inside and how much energy you have. Think about it with me right now. How do you feel in this moment? Happy? Sad? Curious? Challenged? Write down what that feeling was.

 

Now, write down what were you thinking about in the minutes leading up to that question? If you were feeling pretty happy, were you thinking about something that made you happy? If you were feeling curious, were you asking questions? If you were feeling frustrated, were you thinking about something that happened that was frustrating?  What do you think about on a regular basis? Are there things that you have a habit of thinking about over and over?  How does it make you feel?

 

If you’ve been thinking about something really exciting, a new opportunity, something that you’re looking forward to, something you know is going to be fantastic then I can bet that you’re feeling pretty enthusiastic, excited and happy right now! And if you had to measure your energy level on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being low, 10 being high, where’s your energy level now?  Between eight and ten at a guess.

 

If you’ve been thinking about something you want to do but think you can’t because it’s too hard or it’s something that ‘only other people get to do’, or maybe thinking about things that have gone wrong for you how do you feel?  Pretty down, deflated, low, sad or upset? What’s your energy like now on a scale of 1 – 10? A two or three maybe?

 

You see, what you focus on i.e. what you think about most, is what you feel. What you feel determines your level of energy and how you see the world and how you see the world is your reality. If you focus on something being hard then life feels hard. Your reality is that life is a struggle; it saps your energy leaving you sad, tired and depressed. If on the other hand your focus is on the good things in life, if you’re optimistic and cheerful then your reality is very different isn’t it? You have a smile. You have more energy. You have a bounce in your walk – a spring in your step. Life feels good!

 

Your energy and passion for life are totally dependent up on what you think about each minute of each day and what your state of mind is like in each moment.

 

Let me ask you a question. Do you notice what you think about? When you’re feeling low or frustrated, when you’re in a negative frame of mind — do you relate it to what you’re thinking about? In turn, when you are feeling tired, down or sad — did you notice what you’d been thinking about to be in that place? Your feelings are absolutely the key to having energy, passion and purpose in your life! They are dictated by our thoughts and our thoughts ultimately dictate our reality. So what you focus on is what you feel. What you feel determines your reality and your reality determines how much energy you feel and can give out.

 

I LOVE the passion and energy that I have in my life. I praise my God for it every day! It is awesome to wake up raring to go every morning. It feels incredible to have a big smile on my face all the time and to bounce through my days with such excitement and enthusiasm. It rocks! I want YOU to feel this way too! Why do I have it? Because I DECIDED to have it.

 

I spent so long in a bad frame of mind and suddenly, one day I realised I was low because I was feeling sorry for myself. I had no energy because I felt low. In that moment I DECIDED No more! I would never again allow myself to feel that way.

I was in charge and I was deciding that the new me was Alive and Loving it.

I jumped out of my chair, punched the air and shouted – This is NOT who I am! I’m alive and loving it! I have ENERGY and PASSION!  Wuhooooo! I can be me!!

 

 

You have to change your focus to change your feelings.

 

 

Did you spot what I did there? I noticed that my feelings were linked to my thoughts. I felt low because I was thinking about how life sucked and how lonely I felt and how unfair it all was! As soon as I realised that I also realised that what I focus on, i.e. what I think about is up to me. It’s my mind and I have control over it. I call the shots!  It’s up to me to choose to think about something else if what I’m thinking about is making me feel bad. So I DECIDED that was not me. I changed my focus to who I wanted to be. I thought about what I could be. I caught a glimpse of that person and it FELT good to be her and I liked it! I suddenly leapt out of my chair because as my thoughts changed my energy level also changed and I wanted to move, shout and jump around to celebrate the new me! So you see – by changing your focus, i.e. what you’re thinking about, you can instantly change how you feel in your emotion and your energy.

 

The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvass of our lives

 

Think about good things and you will feel good. Try it! Now think about a time in your life when you were truly happy. Everything was just right and you felt fantastic! Think about it, see it now. How do you feel right now? Happy? We can instantly go to memories and events from our past to change our mood.

 

Another way to change your focus would be to think about something completely different. Switch your thoughts to what’s going on around you. What’s happening outside? Listen to the background music. Notice the flowers in the garden or the birds singing in the tree outside. Take your mind off yourself for a while and see how different it makes you feel. One of the best things you can do if you’re feeling sad, lonely or frustrated is to forget yourself and go do something for someone else. Go give something. Go speak to someone or go ask if you can help in any way. You will notice a major change in how you feel. Giving to others always brings you a reward of satisfaction and joy.

 

So the next time you feel bored, lonely, sad, frustrated, tired DECIDE to think of something else. Notice what you’re thinking about and go DO something. Then make a note of both so you can use it to change how you think and how you can celebrate your progress!

 

Depression – A hereditary illness or a hereditary belief?

December 5, 2007


j0410127.jpgI came across a lady today who told me that she had taken antidepressants for 20 years, that she couldn’t live without them, they were her life line.  This reminded me of a previous client who told me a similar story a little while ago.  Both ladies had taken antidepressants for over 20 years. Both said they relied on them, neither had ever tried to stop taking them to see if they might be fine without them. Both believed that were clinically depressed and that it was inherited.

When I hear this story it makes me so sad and I know that there are those who would fiercely defend this story because they believe it, they have researched it or because they have taken being clinically depressed on as who they are. It has become their identity. None of that makes it true though does it and as an expert in neurostrategies I have to question it’s validity.

Everything we do is simply a process that we follow, a strategy. We have a strategy for getting up every morning, a strategy for choosing what to eat, a strategy for being happy and a strategy for feeling sad. And yes – a strategy for feeling depressed. Every one feels down at times, some more than others, but if we get in to the habit of running the same pattern of thought and action over and over it becomes a habit and we get stuck in it. If on top of this we get some sort of benefit from this pattern…..such as sympathy, attention, friendship, significance, connection…..what ever need it might meet for you…..then there is more reason to stay stuck than there is to change.

That’s when we get given a label and think that’s who we are, that we have no choice but it’s just a label. We can choose to keep it, replace it with a different label or simply take it off and throw it away at any time.

Now is the depression hereditary or is it simply a behaviour that we saw in our peers as we grew up and copied that behaviour because we thought that’s how you behave. Or, did that role model tell us that we would be depressed too and so we are innocently doing as we were told as a child? Is it then, passed down in the genes or, could it simply be passed down as a belief? The danger then is that we doom our offspring by giving them the same limiting belief and so it is perpetuated causing unnecessary suffering through generations.

I wonder then if we were to address the need that is being met by the depression and gave the person a better strategy to follow that would meet that need met in a more positive way and the limiting belief was replaced by an empowering belief  would that person really still be depressed? Could it be that every one can live a happy fulfilled life no matter what the circumstance if they choose the right strategies and beliefs?

I believe that thy can and that every one can if they change the way they think to change the way they feel, if they put themselves back in charge of their thoughts, feelings and actions instead of being fooled into thinking that they are at the effect of the world and what others do.

A bold statement…but I’ve seen people rise above the most challenging circumstances and win. I believe we all can if we choose to.