Archive for the ‘coaching’ category

Unfaltering Confidence At The Flip Of A Switch!

April 2, 2008

   j0386802.jpg Self confidence seems to be a rare and much sought after commodity in this day and age. It is the one thing that clients come to me for help with more than any other challenge. It is important to your self-esteem, to your self image, to your relationships, to your career and to your business.

 

Beliefs – The Root of All Evil

 

A lack of self confidence has it’s roots in beliefs. Beliefs about who you are, what you are capable of, what you look like, what others think of you. Those beliefs have been formed throughout our lives, particularly in our formative years through feedback, or lack of it, from our parents, siblings, teachers, friends and other peers. That feedback may have been in the form of hurtful comments, chastisements, being made fun of or bullied, name-calling perhaps, kids and parents can be quite cruel with their comments can’t they?

 

When that happens with little or no counter-balance of positive encouragement and reinforcement, little praise when we do something good, little encouragement to develop our skills to our potential, a lack of cheering us on to flourish we end up with a lop-sided view of who we are and believe all of the negative things about ourselves. It devastates our confidence.

 

Plant Seeds In Good Soil

 

That confidence may have taken a bashing, the good news is there is always enough left, even the tiniest spec, that we can nurture and grow again and discover who we really are and the gifts we have to give through being confident again.

 

It begins with identifying those beliefs about ourselves that stop us being confident. What is it that scares you? Holds you back? What thoughts pop into your head? They most likely start with “I am [insert your favourite head trash here]”

 

The Truth Will Set You Free

 

Did you ever believe something in the past though that turned out to be not true? And although you believed it with all your heart at the time you have now recognised that it wasn’t real and now you have the truth. A new belief.

 

For instance, when you were little did you believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Clause? Sorry if I’m about to burst your bubble here – they were not real! And you know that now or for some people you perhaps believed that you were a new home owner, you just bought a new house, are you still a new home owner 10 years down the line though? Or have things changed?

 

So what you believe about yourself right now may well not be real, it’s just a perception that you have had of yourself and not questioned until right now.

 

 

 

You Are Amazing

 

So I want you now to find the truth about who you really are. What is the opposite of that old lie? If you were to remember now all of the great things about yourself that you have kept hidden what would the truth be?

 

Write down 40 things that are great about yourself, why are you amazing? What gifts do you have?

 

Once you have that list use it to create a new belief about yourself. When you create an identity for yourself your unconscious mind has no choice but to make that a reality. It has to make changes to ensure that what you believe is true for you.

 

Allow That Seed of Confidence To Grow

 

Now that the seeds of the new confident you have been sown keep them fed and watered so that they can blossom. Remind yourself every day how wonderful you are. Add to the list of 40 things every day for a week to reinforce your new belief.

 

Every morning before you leave the house and every night before you go to sleep close your eyes and see the new you doing something in your daily life with a new confidence. See yourself standing, walking and acting confidently. What is your new posture like? Hear the words that you say to your new confident self and that you say to others. Hear the words now spoken to you as people admire your new confidence and presence. Feel what it feels like to be in control, to be confident, to feel proud of who you are and what you have to give. Play it out in your mind making it as real and vivid as you possibly can. Visualisation accelerates progress as the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined. It thinks it IS you and therefore when you use it in real life it will be natural for you to be confident.

 

Smile, put your shoulders back and hold your head high and see what a difference it makes to those around you.

 

If you want to know more about being confident in every day social and business situations look out for more articles next month.

 

For information about coaching and training in confidence and self esteem contact Tracey Dowe

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

Or call 01793 700929

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

 

 

 

How to Build Rapport with anyone Instantly!

April 1, 2008


Rapport It’s my experience that people do business with people that they know, like and trust. If you could build stronger relationships with your potential clients faster –would that be of value to you and to your business?

Yes? Then read on.

People like people who are like themselves or who they aspire to become.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and yet felt instantly comfortable with them? As if you’ve know them for ages.

Have you ever though, met someone for the 1st time and instantly disliked them or felt uncomfortable with them for no apparent reason?

Lots of sales people will say to me …well I’m already pretty good at rapport, I get on with most people….there’s always going to be a few that you don’t hit it off with.

I want to show you how you can get on with anyone, quickly and effectively so that you can do business with them. Even with the ones you wouldn’t normally hit it off with. This is important because they are the extra sales for your business and will give you the edge over the competition.

What is Rapport?

Rapport is that feeling of being comfortable with someone and trusting them.

A crucial component in any interaction particularly a sales interaction. It’s the first thing we need to establish and the most important thing to keep all the way through the presentation to the client.

We often don’t know WHY we like or dislike someone which makes me ask the question then “Where does rapport take place?”

In our minds we have two components – The conscious mind and the unconscious mind. The conscious mind likes to think it is in control. It’s the logical mind, the rational mind, the goal setting mind.

However, the unconscious mind is that part of us that runs the body. It’s the part that stays awake when we’re asleep, listening for the alarm clock. It’s the part that keeps us breathing without thinking about it, it keeps our heart beating and our spleen, dare I say it, spleening!

The conscious mind may set the goals but the unconscious mind is the part that gets the goals. It filters out irrelevant information and makes you take notice of the things you need to look out for, opportunities to meet your goal.

Rapport happens at the level of the unconscious mind so how can we use it consciously to help us build strong relationships quickly and easily?

How do you get into rapport with someone?

How To Get In Rapport

Start with the chit chat – Look for common interests, hobbies, acquaintances, places you have been to, styles of clothing you might like etc. Find some things in common by having a little chat before the sales process begins. You are looking to put them at ease and enjoy having you there.

In order to have this conversation and find the common experiences we have to exchange words AND you need to have good listening skills to notice what information they are giving so that you can use to good effect. You need to be ACTIVELY listening – all too often we’re so busy thinking about what we want to say next that we are not concentrating on what the other person is saying. Key point – be present with your client at all times.

Notice also the language that people use when they talk.

Now obviously I don’t mean are they speaking English or Portuguese here! I mean how do they choose to internally represent the world outside?

People tend to have what is called a dominant or preferred thinking style.

People prefer to communicate in one of three ways:-

Visual

Auditory

Kinaesthetic

We all use all three – we just have one that we prefer to use one more than the others.

What to look for……

If someone likes to communicate using their auditory senses they might use phrases such as

“I hear what you’re saying”

“That rings a bell”

“Tell me more”

If someone likes to communicate using their visual senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the picture”

“I see what you mean”

“Can you imagine that?”

If someone likes to communicate using their kinaesthetic senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the feeling that…”

“I need concrete evidence”

“Give me hard facts”

If you are talking to a client and you just don’t seem to be getting the connection or the understanding that you need – stop and ask yourself – how am I different to them?

It may be that you are speaking a “foreign” language perhaps by noticing their preferred style of communication and adjusting yours to match you’ll achieve rapport.

It’s Not Just The Words You Use

Studies have shown that only 7% of what is communicated between people is transmitted through the words themselves.

38% comes through the tone of the voice, the tempo, the volume and the timbre – or individual characteristics of the voice and

55% of communication, by far the largest part is a result of physiology or body language.

Let’s first understand what is meant by the characteristics of the voice.

You could mirror the tonality and phrasing, the pitch, the speed, volume, tempo – what sort of pauses does that person make?

What about the BIG bit though?

Body language or physiology – one of the fastest ways to build rapport with another person is to mirror and match their body language.

What aspects of another person’s body language could we mirror or match?

The facial expressions,

The gestures,

The quality and type of movements,

Mirror or copy posture….do they stand or sit up straight or are they slouched? Do they have their legs crossed or not? Do they have there hands in their lap or their arms folded or resting their hand on their chin?

Do they make lots of eye contact? What are their facial expressions….if they are looking sad – you wouldn’t want to be sitting there with a big grin on your face!

How do they breathe………long deep breaths, short shallow breaths?

Do they tilt their head to one side……you can mirror all of these things.

Obviously you might want to be a little subtle at times, mirroring and matching some part of their physiology not copying every posture and move – if they notice you’ve blown it! So use it wisely.

Combine that with matching the words or language that they use and you will have them as your friend in no time because whilst the words are working on the persons conscious mind, the physiology is working on the unconscious minds and the brain starts to think WOW! They’re like me!

Practice it, master it and watch your business grow!!

Watch for my next article – I Am In Rapport, Now What? Eliciting Buying Strategies.

For further information on this subject and to discover how coaching and training n this subject can help you and your business grow contact Tracey Dowe at Momentum People Ltd

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

tel: 01793 700929

Depression – A hereditary illness or a hereditary belief?

December 5, 2007


j0410127.jpgI came across a lady today who told me that she had taken antidepressants for 20 years, that she couldn’t live without them, they were her life line.  This reminded me of a previous client who told me a similar story a little while ago.  Both ladies had taken antidepressants for over 20 years. Both said they relied on them, neither had ever tried to stop taking them to see if they might be fine without them. Both believed that were clinically depressed and that it was inherited.

When I hear this story it makes me so sad and I know that there are those who would fiercely defend this story because they believe it, they have researched it or because they have taken being clinically depressed on as who they are. It has become their identity. None of that makes it true though does it and as an expert in neurostrategies I have to question it’s validity.

Everything we do is simply a process that we follow, a strategy. We have a strategy for getting up every morning, a strategy for choosing what to eat, a strategy for being happy and a strategy for feeling sad. And yes – a strategy for feeling depressed. Every one feels down at times, some more than others, but if we get in to the habit of running the same pattern of thought and action over and over it becomes a habit and we get stuck in it. If on top of this we get some sort of benefit from this pattern…..such as sympathy, attention, friendship, significance, connection…..what ever need it might meet for you…..then there is more reason to stay stuck than there is to change.

That’s when we get given a label and think that’s who we are, that we have no choice but it’s just a label. We can choose to keep it, replace it with a different label or simply take it off and throw it away at any time.

Now is the depression hereditary or is it simply a behaviour that we saw in our peers as we grew up and copied that behaviour because we thought that’s how you behave. Or, did that role model tell us that we would be depressed too and so we are innocently doing as we were told as a child? Is it then, passed down in the genes or, could it simply be passed down as a belief? The danger then is that we doom our offspring by giving them the same limiting belief and so it is perpetuated causing unnecessary suffering through generations.

I wonder then if we were to address the need that is being met by the depression and gave the person a better strategy to follow that would meet that need met in a more positive way and the limiting belief was replaced by an empowering belief  would that person really still be depressed? Could it be that every one can live a happy fulfilled life no matter what the circumstance if they choose the right strategies and beliefs?

I believe that thy can and that every one can if they change the way they think to change the way they feel, if they put themselves back in charge of their thoughts, feelings and actions instead of being fooled into thinking that they are at the effect of the world and what others do.

A bold statement…but I’ve seen people rise above the most challenging circumstances and win. I believe we all can if we choose to.

Anchors Away!

December 4, 2007

An anchor is “A created association between a specific stimulus and a specific state i.e. a specific emotion.”

Any time a person is in an associated, intense state, if at the peak of that experience, a specific stimulus is applied, then the two will be linked neurologically.

The intense emotional state may be a resourceful state such as confidence, love, joy, passion, excitement, certainty and equally could be an unresourceful state such as anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt, loneliness, grief, disappointment. Each of those emotions can be easily linked to a stimulus or a trigger either inadvertently or deliberately.

For example you’re at a funeral of a loved one and the funerals guests all come up to you and touch you on the arm as they express their sadness. Now you could be out at another social event – a wedding perhaps, feeling great and someone comes up to you and touches you on the arm in that place – all of a sudden you don’t know what happened but you feel so sad and upset – just like you felt at the funeral..

Negative anchors are often set up between couples or in the work place.


You arrive at the office or home from work and you’re telling your colleague or spouse how awful it is, what a bad day you’ve had, feeling bad – looking at their face, feeling angry looking at their face.

 One day you’re having a fantastic day – everything is going great – you feel amazing and you walk into the office or arrive at home all excited to tell your colleague/spouse and you see their face ………

And you feel upset, angry, frustrated.

Ooops!

 

Negative anchor!

 

The good news is that when we recognise negative anchors – we can collapse them and replace them with a much more empowering emotion instead. A great tool to have if you want to remain happy in your relationship,  to enhance team work in the workplace and to have your customers associate you with feeling good and want to not only come back themselves but to also recommend you to their friends. 

Equally useful is to create resource anchors i.e using resourceful emotions quickly and easily when ever we want to. Anchors that we can set up in advance so that they are at our fingertips the moment we need them. Imaging being able to feel courage and confidence instantly before going to an interview or in for a meeting with your boss. How would life be if you could feel joy and happiness in any moment no matter where you are or who is around you? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel fantastic any time just because you chose to feel that way?

 

Well – once  you understand anchoring, how to create resource anchors and collapse un-resourceful anchors you can do just that. Live life in a more empowering, inspiring and enjoyable way – every day!


To find out more or to find out how contact Tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

 

4th September 2007

October 11, 2007

j0405480.jpgThe Black Bag at breakfast this morning in Street went down extremely well! Certainly stimulated much thought and resulted in two very interesting conversations – one with a leadership coach and one with a homeopath.

At the meetings you get 60 seconds to introduce yourself and what you do – what kind of referrals you’re looking for etc. I always find it SO hard to put in to words exactly what it is we do. This morning on the way in I was pondering this very thing and decided to ask my unconscious mind “Unconscious mind can you answer this question? What can I say in 60 seconds that will best describe my business?


Within 1 minute my unconscious mind answered me.

This morning rather than attempt to describe what I do in 60 seconds, I told a story 🙂

There was once a young boy, when he was still small his parents gave him a rucksack and as he went through life with every negative event, hurt and disappointment he marked the occasion by picking up a stone and putting it in his rucksack. As life went by and he kept adding stones he got to a point where the sack was so heavy that it weighed him down. He felt so tired that one day he felt the couldn’t go on any more and he sat down under a tree to think about giving up. He gave his coach a call and they had a chat. And after a little while the man took off the rucksack, left it there under the tree. He leapt to his feet – a man with a plan, a Passion, a PURPOSE! He walked off into his new life and never looked back”

Hmmmm…..some thing to think about!

After the meeting I went to a local pharmacy to complete some medicines use reviews with customers for them. I had some amazing conversations. Two ladies in particular were so lovely. One lady suffered from chronic migraine attacks – she said she had tried everything. We spoke about illness being due to emotions and talked about what I did outside of pharmacy. It was not appropriate for me to take her through parts integration or temporal dynamics there, however she asked for my number and will be in touch.
The other lady was a remarkable 79 year old who having got divorced 14 yrs ago had found her true self and was living life anew and to the full. She was full of energy and life and again very interested in what we do.

This evening when I got home my new silver pendulum had arrived so we got the pendulum script out and had a little practice – my daughter thought it was amazing!

3rd September 2007

October 11, 2007

j04310451.jpg

Lovely to hear from Brian by email this morning – happily sent my anchoring stuff – the offer’s still there for anyone who would like it too. 🙂

Had a call from a lady from the Noah’s Ark Trust – they’re running a volunteer training weekend this weekend and she knew it was late notice but would I be able to do a presentation for them on Sunday?

Of Course! 🙂

My subject is “How to protect yourself emotionally”…..when working with bereaved children. How not to get emotionally involved and take it home with you.

I had a few thoughts that I sounded a few people out about and Alistair bless him gave me a call with some fantastic ideas around using identity and archetypes. The support from this group is amazing – I really appreciate that people have just emailed away or picked up the phone and shared so freely. It is a truly outstanding community to be in.

So – I’m working on my presentation and have nearly got it together and I’m already really excited about taking it there and delivering it. I’m just pondering some music for it. It’s great fun!
I got the opportunity to talk a little bit to this lady a bout time line therapy/temporal dynamics with these kids – about how it will preserve the memory, and that they can take the positive learnings from the experiences and move on without the painful emotions. She was very interested so I’ve arranged to explore this some more with her on Sunday.

That was the reason for my post in the NLP etc forum here – I really would like to use the gift that we have to support these kids as much has I can. And – I have to say a BIG thank you not only to Alistair for calling me today – but to Mark too. Mark saw my post about TL in kids and called me this evening to share his experiences. So much really valuable information! I have taken so many notes from people today!! Thank you SO much!

I am still SO excited about getting this stuff out there and sharing the gifts with as many people as I can – I get really frustrated with myself if I feel I’m not making progress! It’s a great motivator! We are so privileged to have learned it that I just have to use it and teach – every day.

The black bag is making it’s debut appearance tomorrow morning in Street in Somerset 🙂 I’m having lots of fun using this and will be doing it a lot more over the next few weeks too.

Life is so AMAZING! Loving it!

30th August 2007

October 11, 2007

This morning I did my star turn at the Cirencester 4Networking meeting – the old black back routine re-ran for a different audience who were suitably stunned in to silence Haha!! I will at some point write out my script in case any one else wants to use it, adapt it, put their own spin on it. Let me know if that would be useful.

I then hot footed it over to Ross-on-Wye to the Chamber of Commerce business networking afternoon where about 30 businesses attended a fabulous team building session followed by my anchoring workshop. The response was brilliant, the audience really participated and the feedback was very positive. I already have this 40 minute presentation scripted if any one would like that to use/adapt too. he session was also video recorded so you’re welcome to see it when I have a copy and give me some feedback. The chap who ran the team building session outdoors has invited me to joint venture with him and I think that this could be a really good opportunity to work with people to take them out of their comfort zones and support them in their growth. I’ll keep you posted!

Met a lady from the Noah’s Ark Trust – supporting bereaved children who often have challenges with anger and fear following bereavement. I had a chat with her after the meeting and explained about the temporal dymamics process and offered my services. She has taken my number and was interested in my support. I will follow up with her tomorrow.

A few other very interesting conversations took place as well including another lady relationship challenge. Will let you know if anything blossoms from those.

Mel and I met with Sweatal this evening in Newbury. It was so lovely to see her and although she told us she hadn’t really had chance to use what we learned and felt that she was forgetting it – this really was not true – she and Hiten are doing a fantastic job and have lots of opportunities to develop this going forward. We’ve arranged to meet again in September and hopefully a few others will be joining us then too.