Archive for the ‘create’ category

What is Confidence?

August 6, 2009
How would that extra confidence feel?

How would that extra confidence feel?

Confidence, we all talk about it, we all have it and we all generally would like more of at certain times in our lives, but what actually is it?

Quite simply, confidence is just a set of skills that can be learned by anyone to give them the feeling that they can succeed in any given situation or circumstance.  That’s Great News!  Why? Because it means that we can all learn to have more whenever we need it, it’s not genetic, it’s nothing to do with how much money we have, it’s nothing to do with upbringing, it’s not for a select group – it’s there for us all!!! Hooray!!

Very often we are confident in some areas of our lives and not others for example you might be confident at home with your family but not so confident in meetings with those above you at work, you might be confident in your job but not good at making friends easily, you may be confident with your friends but not in dealing with children.  In order to learn the skills we need it’s useful to identify which specific areas do you lack confidence and why and how would life be different if you had more confidence in this area? So go ahead and answer these questions for yourself right now.

What areas of my life do I lack confidence in?

Why?

How would it be different if I had more confidence in this area of my life?

Congratulations! You have just begun the process of being more confident by taking the first steps in identifying what can be improved and importantly why you want to improve it.  So for your chosen situation can you think of someone that you know or have seen who has the kind of confidence that you would like in that situation? Write down their name andCB022665 then list what you admire about them in that situation? How do they walk, stand, breathe, speak, what is their body language, what questions do they ask, what sort of words do they use? Imagine what it’s like to be them. If you have the opportunity, why not ask them? One of the best things to do to learn to be confident is to model someone who is already great at it. Ask them if they are always confident, chances are they feel a little nervous at times too, they just do it anyway and that’s the key. Confident people still feel a bit scared – they are just prepared to give it a go anyway.  That’s good news for the rest of us J We’ll look at some of the other ways to help us just do it anyway in future articles. For now, just take the actions above and you’re well on your way to a more confident you.

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Unfaltering Confidence At The Flip Of A Switch!

April 2, 2008

   j0386802.jpg Self confidence seems to be a rare and much sought after commodity in this day and age. It is the one thing that clients come to me for help with more than any other challenge. It is important to your self-esteem, to your self image, to your relationships, to your career and to your business.

 

Beliefs – The Root of All Evil

 

A lack of self confidence has it’s roots in beliefs. Beliefs about who you are, what you are capable of, what you look like, what others think of you. Those beliefs have been formed throughout our lives, particularly in our formative years through feedback, or lack of it, from our parents, siblings, teachers, friends and other peers. That feedback may have been in the form of hurtful comments, chastisements, being made fun of or bullied, name-calling perhaps, kids and parents can be quite cruel with their comments can’t they?

 

When that happens with little or no counter-balance of positive encouragement and reinforcement, little praise when we do something good, little encouragement to develop our skills to our potential, a lack of cheering us on to flourish we end up with a lop-sided view of who we are and believe all of the negative things about ourselves. It devastates our confidence.

 

Plant Seeds In Good Soil

 

That confidence may have taken a bashing, the good news is there is always enough left, even the tiniest spec, that we can nurture and grow again and discover who we really are and the gifts we have to give through being confident again.

 

It begins with identifying those beliefs about ourselves that stop us being confident. What is it that scares you? Holds you back? What thoughts pop into your head? They most likely start with “I am [insert your favourite head trash here]”

 

The Truth Will Set You Free

 

Did you ever believe something in the past though that turned out to be not true? And although you believed it with all your heart at the time you have now recognised that it wasn’t real and now you have the truth. A new belief.

 

For instance, when you were little did you believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Clause? Sorry if I’m about to burst your bubble here – they were not real! And you know that now or for some people you perhaps believed that you were a new home owner, you just bought a new house, are you still a new home owner 10 years down the line though? Or have things changed?

 

So what you believe about yourself right now may well not be real, it’s just a perception that you have had of yourself and not questioned until right now.

 

 

 

You Are Amazing

 

So I want you now to find the truth about who you really are. What is the opposite of that old lie? If you were to remember now all of the great things about yourself that you have kept hidden what would the truth be?

 

Write down 40 things that are great about yourself, why are you amazing? What gifts do you have?

 

Once you have that list use it to create a new belief about yourself. When you create an identity for yourself your unconscious mind has no choice but to make that a reality. It has to make changes to ensure that what you believe is true for you.

 

Allow That Seed of Confidence To Grow

 

Now that the seeds of the new confident you have been sown keep them fed and watered so that they can blossom. Remind yourself every day how wonderful you are. Add to the list of 40 things every day for a week to reinforce your new belief.

 

Every morning before you leave the house and every night before you go to sleep close your eyes and see the new you doing something in your daily life with a new confidence. See yourself standing, walking and acting confidently. What is your new posture like? Hear the words that you say to your new confident self and that you say to others. Hear the words now spoken to you as people admire your new confidence and presence. Feel what it feels like to be in control, to be confident, to feel proud of who you are and what you have to give. Play it out in your mind making it as real and vivid as you possibly can. Visualisation accelerates progress as the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined. It thinks it IS you and therefore when you use it in real life it will be natural for you to be confident.

 

Smile, put your shoulders back and hold your head high and see what a difference it makes to those around you.

 

If you want to know more about being confident in every day social and business situations look out for more articles next month.

 

For information about coaching and training in confidence and self esteem contact Tracey Dowe

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

Or call 01793 700929

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

 

 

 

Visualisation – Your Amazing Mind!

February 19, 2008


j0433055.jpg Your mind is an amazing, powerful and creative tool. With it you have an awesome capacity to change how you feel long-term by creating your future right now.

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. – William A. Ward

You not only have the ability to remember events and re-run them in your mind, but you are also capable of creating events or feelings in your imagination before they actually occur. You do this all the time; when you are looking forward to a holiday you have booked or when you have planned a night out. You think about how it’s going to be and build up an expectation of how it will play out don’t you?

Athletes use this ability to practice their techniques and to run the races before they have even stepped out of the starting blocks. Golfers use it to practice their swing, musicians use it to practice their performances before the big day. The incredible thing is — and I love this – the mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined visually.

Wow! How cool is that?! If you imagine your future vividly – it becomes your reality.

So if you want to feel fantastic, have tons of energy, be happy, successful and abundant in every good way, the secret is to start that process right now in your imagination. How?

Everyday set aside ten minutes each morning and ten minutes every night to do this. Sit quietly, close your eyes and let the process begin.

In your imagination see yourself as the person you would LOVE to become. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? How does it feel? Breathe deeply and soak it all in. Now make the picture brighter, add more colour to it. What are you saying to yourself or others around you? Make the feelings stronger, feel the emotions you’re feeling more intensely. Smile as you see yourself being amazing, as you feel an incredible inner strength, joy and confidence! Now turn the sound up. Make the vision even more real!

As you experience the joy and passion of who you are, give thanks for it as if it has already happened, as if it is happening right now in this very moment. Celebrate the new you! Celebrate the moment and make it real. Do this over and over again, for all the ways you want to change, for all the new things you want to do, for all the new, powerful feelings you want to experience. Live the life you deserve the way you want to NOW and you will be well on your way to making it your reality!

 

To find out more about your amazing mind contact tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk or log in to http://www.momentumpeople.co.uk

Re-light My Fire – Ignite the Passion and Romance once more

February 11, 2008


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You’ve been together a number of years and you love each other very much. The passion and chemistry of the early months and years is now a distant memory, it was great while it lasted but your relationship is in it’s next phase now. Isn’t that what people call it when the romance goes and the “comfy with each other but not on fire” sets in?

 

How would you like to re-kindle that excitement between you? Create that spark that once burned so bright? Have your significant other fall totally and utterly head-over-heals again?

 

I can teach you very quickly how to do just that. Sound good??

 

Well, it’s actually very easy you just need to take a little time to ask some very important questions, discover what their strategy is for feeling loved by you.

Everyone has unique triggers or anchors that cause them to feel love and/or attraction. When you first get together you want to do everything to please the other person so you tap into all of these. As time goes on in a relationship you still love the person but do you still have the same intensity or focus on the relationship? You probably don’t express your love in the same way as you did back in the courting stages..

 

 Human beings have a specific set of triggers that cause us to feel deep feelings of love

 

Some of us need to be SHOWN we are loved. We need people to buy us things or take us places or look at us with a certain incredible loving look and there’s NOTHING! Nothing in this world that creates a deeper feeling of love for this type of person than that strategy.

 

For other people…you can show them all day long how much you love them but they need to HEAR it. They need to hear the words I love you – with a certain tonality, with a certain tempo and a certain way and unless you say it just like that it’s not going to work.

 

For other people, you can tell them all day long – you can show them, but unless you TOUCH them in a very specific way they’ll never feel the deepest level of love. They may feel like you love them generally, and that you’re close but the deepest feeling of love is triggered differently for every person you’ll meet.

 

So after the courting stage….when you expressed your love for this person…who’s love strategy do you express your love in???

 

Did you find out what makes them feel loved…..or did you assume that they would feel love the same way you do? That it’s triggered in the same way?

 

In the beginning you do it all, so you feel loved. Then you continue but show them love by your strategy. One day…they’re going to question whether you love them…or you will question whether they love you.

 

If you want your relationship to be deeply loving and passionate you have to know what the other person’s strategy is. Find out what makes them feel MOST loved. Ask the person that you are in a relationship with this question:-

 

“Can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

 Then use the process of elimination to find out which one of these three is strongest for them.

 

 “In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I show you I love you by buying you things, taking you places, or looking at you in a certain way?”

 

 If you get an non committal answer then ask:-

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

Make sure they can remember a specific time and then continue

 

“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I tell you I love you in a certain way?”

 

If they say  “well, yeah” or something like that you may be closer but it isn’t it so ask this –

 

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?” put them back in state….…..“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I touch you in a certain way?” 

 

One of these questions will give you the right answer. If it’s touch…find out the specific touch. Communicate every single day and use their strategy. Reach them at the deepest level.

 

Work at creating moments and positive anchors. Take time to do something special together at least once a month. Be spontaneous.

 

To make your relationship work…give what you want to receive in that relationship. If you want respect then give respect. If you want love then give tons of love. If you want passion then give tons of passion. Give what you want and you will receive back everything that you want.

 

The quality of a relationship comes down to the quality of your commitment to making it work. Nothing in life that has any value can be created without absolute commitment. Relationships are the essence of life. The more deeply you can share with another human being life’s experience…the greater quality of life you will live.

How to create an Extraordinary Relationship

February 11, 2008

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1. Learn to love yourself.

You can’t give to other people what you haven’t learned to give yourself. How do you expect any one else to cherish you, love you and adore you when you do not treat yourself in this way?

All relationships start with YOU.

Write down 10 things that you love about being you.

Write down 10 of the wonderful qualities that you have.

Write down 10 things that you can do to show your appreciation for you.

2. Select the qualities you need in a relationship.

When looking for anything in life be it a person, and object, a job or a holiday you first have to decide EXACTLY what it is that you are looking for. Otherwise you will just drift, never knowing if you have found the right one or not. It’s no different when looking for your ideal partner.

How do we normally meet someone? In a bar or club, at work maybe or because they share a common interest? We just both happened to be in the same place and were both needing someone. You hit it off, have something in common and the chemistry kicks in. It’s a whirlwind of emotions, you get together…time goes by and when the chemistry fades you’re left wondering why you’re together.

By setting out our wants, needs and must-haves in a relationship in advance we run a much lesser risk of spending a long time with the wrong person. When the chemistry kicks in and common sense disappears at least you have a pre-defined list of what you want to compare this person with to know if they are really what you were looking for. It’s so important to set out what we absolutely must have (and absolutely must NOT!) in advance if we are truly to find the Mr or Miss Right for us.

  • Define your Ultimate Soulmate

Who is the man/lady of your dreams? What physical attributes do they have? What height are they? What weight? What colour hair and eyes? What age are they? What do they wear and look great in?

    What career do they have? What kind of income?

    What hobbies and interests do they have?

    Should they have kids? Should they want kids? Should they have none and want none??

    What characteristics do they have? Are they funny and witty? Intelligent? More intelligent than you or less intelligent than you? Do they like to keep fit or to relax a lot? Do they play sport or the PSP?

    Are they vegetarian or a red-blooded meat eater? Do they like to socialise or are they quiet shy and retiring? Are they extrovert or introvert? Life and soul of a party or a wall flower?

    Who is your ideal partner.

    Which of these is a MUST and which would be great to have?

      • Mate from hell!

        Normally I would not even go to the negatives but here, well, it is SO important to have this list to combat making a poor partner decision when the chemistry is raging. List below all of the attributes this person must no way have. What will you absolutely not stand for in a person or relationship?

        This one is probably easier than the first as we usually know what we don’t want better than what we do, so go on….make that list!

        For example:-

        I will absolutely NOT have a person who is abusive mentally or physically. No coach potatoes. No rudeness. No-one who is foul-mouthed. Etc.

        Your turn.

          • Define the Ultimate Relationship

            Describe now the relationship you will have with your ideal person. What will you do together? Where will you go? What goals will you share. What will people say about you as a couple. Write down everything about your ideal relationship.

            3. The final step

            So here it is, the final step in the journey to finding your ideal mate.

            No matter where you go and what you do to find this ideal mate your past relationships and your future ones all have one thing in common.

            You take YOU with you.

            So – in order to succeed in love….

            What kind of person would YOU have to be to attract your ideal mate?

            Like attracts like. That’s the basis of rapport and rapport gives us that deeper connection. You need to become the sort of person you would like to find. Describe the values, characteristics, conduct, and habits you would need in order to deserve the mate you just described.

            So, I hope that you have written down the answers to all of the questions above. When you commit to finding this ideal person and become the person you want to be with some ting magical happens and I know from my experience that this absolutely works.

            I wish you every success in finding true love and hope that you will share your experiences with us too.

            Love and Blessings