Archive for the ‘forward’ category

Unfaltering Confidence At The Flip Of A Switch!

April 2, 2008

   j0386802.jpg Self confidence seems to be a rare and much sought after commodity in this day and age. It is the one thing that clients come to me for help with more than any other challenge. It is important to your self-esteem, to your self image, to your relationships, to your career and to your business.

 

Beliefs – The Root of All Evil

 

A lack of self confidence has it’s roots in beliefs. Beliefs about who you are, what you are capable of, what you look like, what others think of you. Those beliefs have been formed throughout our lives, particularly in our formative years through feedback, or lack of it, from our parents, siblings, teachers, friends and other peers. That feedback may have been in the form of hurtful comments, chastisements, being made fun of or bullied, name-calling perhaps, kids and parents can be quite cruel with their comments can’t they?

 

When that happens with little or no counter-balance of positive encouragement and reinforcement, little praise when we do something good, little encouragement to develop our skills to our potential, a lack of cheering us on to flourish we end up with a lop-sided view of who we are and believe all of the negative things about ourselves. It devastates our confidence.

 

Plant Seeds In Good Soil

 

That confidence may have taken a bashing, the good news is there is always enough left, even the tiniest spec, that we can nurture and grow again and discover who we really are and the gifts we have to give through being confident again.

 

It begins with identifying those beliefs about ourselves that stop us being confident. What is it that scares you? Holds you back? What thoughts pop into your head? They most likely start with “I am [insert your favourite head trash here]”

 

The Truth Will Set You Free

 

Did you ever believe something in the past though that turned out to be not true? And although you believed it with all your heart at the time you have now recognised that it wasn’t real and now you have the truth. A new belief.

 

For instance, when you were little did you believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Clause? Sorry if I’m about to burst your bubble here – they were not real! And you know that now or for some people you perhaps believed that you were a new home owner, you just bought a new house, are you still a new home owner 10 years down the line though? Or have things changed?

 

So what you believe about yourself right now may well not be real, it’s just a perception that you have had of yourself and not questioned until right now.

 

 

 

You Are Amazing

 

So I want you now to find the truth about who you really are. What is the opposite of that old lie? If you were to remember now all of the great things about yourself that you have kept hidden what would the truth be?

 

Write down 40 things that are great about yourself, why are you amazing? What gifts do you have?

 

Once you have that list use it to create a new belief about yourself. When you create an identity for yourself your unconscious mind has no choice but to make that a reality. It has to make changes to ensure that what you believe is true for you.

 

Allow That Seed of Confidence To Grow

 

Now that the seeds of the new confident you have been sown keep them fed and watered so that they can blossom. Remind yourself every day how wonderful you are. Add to the list of 40 things every day for a week to reinforce your new belief.

 

Every morning before you leave the house and every night before you go to sleep close your eyes and see the new you doing something in your daily life with a new confidence. See yourself standing, walking and acting confidently. What is your new posture like? Hear the words that you say to your new confident self and that you say to others. Hear the words now spoken to you as people admire your new confidence and presence. Feel what it feels like to be in control, to be confident, to feel proud of who you are and what you have to give. Play it out in your mind making it as real and vivid as you possibly can. Visualisation accelerates progress as the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined. It thinks it IS you and therefore when you use it in real life it will be natural for you to be confident.

 

Smile, put your shoulders back and hold your head high and see what a difference it makes to those around you.

 

If you want to know more about being confident in every day social and business situations look out for more articles next month.

 

For information about coaching and training in confidence and self esteem contact Tracey Dowe

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

Or call 01793 700929

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

 

 

 

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Learn and Let Go

March 5, 2008

j0341950.jpg It’s just coming up to two years since I moved to Swindon. I lived in a four bedroom house with lots of cupboard space, wardrobe space, attic space and a big garage. All that space is great to have, you can fill it with everything you collect over the years and hardly notice it’s there. And I filled every space to full rather than throw stuff out. How many of you have spaces just like these that you fill with all kinds of stuff you don’t know what to do with? Maybe you keep your old bicycles and cans of paint or whatever it is. Often times I never took the time to go inside and find out what was in there. However I was forced to when it was time to move forward as I had decided to move house. When life said that I had to move forward I had to go inside, and I went inside and I looked at all the stuff I had accumulated over time.

There were lots of things that I wanted to keep as I really liked them and there were lots of things that I wondered why on earth am I holding on to this? Why am I holding onto clothes I haven’t worn for years and gifts that I was given that somebody thought was a gift that makes no sense to me. And it made me think how often do we hold on to stuff that we get from other people instead of just deciding to let it go? Especially if it doesn’t fit. For example how many of you have got that Christmas sweater from a crazy aunt with a polar bear on the front and you put on that smile and say “thank you so much” and you never wear it but you hold onto it because you think you have to, you think that now you own it. You think that just because somebody gives something to you that you have to hold on to it.

Now I was moving to be with my sweetheart to the house that he already lived in. There was no way that I could take all of this stuff with me even thought we would be looking for a new house after I got there, all of this stuff wouldn’t fit into his space. And I realised that the cost of storing all of this stuff would be expensive and that I really had to prioritise what was important to me to keep and what I could not afford to pay that high price for to hold on to it.

At night as I would fall asleep I would think about what was inside all around me. Even in my dreams I would start to go inside and look and see what stuff doesn’t make sense any more? What stuff have I been holding on to that it’s simply time to let it go? Because the cost of moving forward with all that stuff was so high. How many of you have moved before and you find you keep on moving and you bring all of that stuff with you. And you keep on telling yourself “I’ll get rid of it one of these days, I’ll get rid of it or lose it or something” but you keep on holding on to it?

How many of you have ever been travelling and your bags didn’t come with you? All your stuff is lost and it’s painful but inside there’s that little part of you that’s say “Ooh! This is great” Why? Because I get to get something what?

That’s right, I get to get something new. So you go out and you buy new clothes and you try on new things and you want to see what fits you because obviously you were always growing, stuff is always fitting us at different times. Things that used to fit us obviously no longer fit us. It’s a bit like nappies, we all wore nappies as a baby but are we still wearing nappies now? No!! Why not? Because we out grew it. So sometimes as we out grow things we have to let them go.

So this one time I went out and I bought this whole new wardrobe, it was great. Excellent! New skirts, new tops, everything. And then the airline called and guess what? That’s right, they had found my bags. And it was interesting, when the bags showed up, all beat us as I’d been lugging these things all around the world, I took the clothes out and I compared them to the new things that I was wearing and the new things just seemed to fit a little better. I had to decide, did I was to lug all of this stuff around and I looked at the old stuff and I thought you know what? They served me for a while. They kept me protected from the cold or from whatever, and I realised that it had served it’s purpose. I had something better and I valued this new stuff much, much more. It was simply time to just let it go.

Once I let it go, donated it, I felt so free and I thought to myself “Gosh! I could have got rid of that stuff a long time ago” but sometimes right now seems like a much better time to simply let stuff go if it no longer fits you. I realised that I can get rid of stuff any time I want to I don’t have to wait for life to come and take things away from me I can simply say “You know what? This no longer fits, I’m growing up, it’s time to let the old stuff just go.

Some of the things I decided not to let go of though was all the knowledge or all of the learnings because over my life I’ve been learning so much I’ve been learning from my friends, from my parents, from my colleagues and so on, and I realised that as long as I hold on to the learning that’s always going to serve me going forward. So I keep the learnings in side to use when ever I need them and simply let the stuff go.