Archive for the ‘relationship’ category

What is Confidence?

August 6, 2009
How would that extra confidence feel?

How would that extra confidence feel?

Confidence, we all talk about it, we all have it and we all generally would like more of at certain times in our lives, but what actually is it?

Quite simply, confidence is just a set of skills that can be learned by anyone to give them the feeling that they can succeed in any given situation or circumstance.  That’s Great News!  Why? Because it means that we can all learn to have more whenever we need it, it’s not genetic, it’s nothing to do with how much money we have, it’s nothing to do with upbringing, it’s not for a select group – it’s there for us all!!! Hooray!!

Very often we are confident in some areas of our lives and not others for example you might be confident at home with your family but not so confident in meetings with those above you at work, you might be confident in your job but not good at making friends easily, you may be confident with your friends but not in dealing with children.  In order to learn the skills we need it’s useful to identify which specific areas do you lack confidence and why and how would life be different if you had more confidence in this area? So go ahead and answer these questions for yourself right now.

What areas of my life do I lack confidence in?

Why?

How would it be different if I had more confidence in this area of my life?

Congratulations! You have just begun the process of being more confident by taking the first steps in identifying what can be improved and importantly why you want to improve it.  So for your chosen situation can you think of someone that you know or have seen who has the kind of confidence that you would like in that situation? Write down their name andCB022665 then list what you admire about them in that situation? How do they walk, stand, breathe, speak, what is their body language, what questions do they ask, what sort of words do they use? Imagine what it’s like to be them. If you have the opportunity, why not ask them? One of the best things to do to learn to be confident is to model someone who is already great at it. Ask them if they are always confident, chances are they feel a little nervous at times too, they just do it anyway and that’s the key. Confident people still feel a bit scared – they are just prepared to give it a go anyway.  That’s good news for the rest of us J We’ll look at some of the other ways to help us just do it anyway in future articles. For now, just take the actions above and you’re well on your way to a more confident you.

How to Build Rapport with anyone Instantly!

April 1, 2008


Rapport It’s my experience that people do business with people that they know, like and trust. If you could build stronger relationships with your potential clients faster –would that be of value to you and to your business?

Yes? Then read on.

People like people who are like themselves or who they aspire to become.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and yet felt instantly comfortable with them? As if you’ve know them for ages.

Have you ever though, met someone for the 1st time and instantly disliked them or felt uncomfortable with them for no apparent reason?

Lots of sales people will say to me …well I’m already pretty good at rapport, I get on with most people….there’s always going to be a few that you don’t hit it off with.

I want to show you how you can get on with anyone, quickly and effectively so that you can do business with them. Even with the ones you wouldn’t normally hit it off with. This is important because they are the extra sales for your business and will give you the edge over the competition.

What is Rapport?

Rapport is that feeling of being comfortable with someone and trusting them.

A crucial component in any interaction particularly a sales interaction. It’s the first thing we need to establish and the most important thing to keep all the way through the presentation to the client.

We often don’t know WHY we like or dislike someone which makes me ask the question then “Where does rapport take place?”

In our minds we have two components – The conscious mind and the unconscious mind. The conscious mind likes to think it is in control. It’s the logical mind, the rational mind, the goal setting mind.

However, the unconscious mind is that part of us that runs the body. It’s the part that stays awake when we’re asleep, listening for the alarm clock. It’s the part that keeps us breathing without thinking about it, it keeps our heart beating and our spleen, dare I say it, spleening!

The conscious mind may set the goals but the unconscious mind is the part that gets the goals. It filters out irrelevant information and makes you take notice of the things you need to look out for, opportunities to meet your goal.

Rapport happens at the level of the unconscious mind so how can we use it consciously to help us build strong relationships quickly and easily?

How do you get into rapport with someone?

How To Get In Rapport

Start with the chit chat – Look for common interests, hobbies, acquaintances, places you have been to, styles of clothing you might like etc. Find some things in common by having a little chat before the sales process begins. You are looking to put them at ease and enjoy having you there.

In order to have this conversation and find the common experiences we have to exchange words AND you need to have good listening skills to notice what information they are giving so that you can use to good effect. You need to be ACTIVELY listening – all too often we’re so busy thinking about what we want to say next that we are not concentrating on what the other person is saying. Key point – be present with your client at all times.

Notice also the language that people use when they talk.

Now obviously I don’t mean are they speaking English or Portuguese here! I mean how do they choose to internally represent the world outside?

People tend to have what is called a dominant or preferred thinking style.

People prefer to communicate in one of three ways:-

Visual

Auditory

Kinaesthetic

We all use all three – we just have one that we prefer to use one more than the others.

What to look for……

If someone likes to communicate using their auditory senses they might use phrases such as

“I hear what you’re saying”

“That rings a bell”

“Tell me more”

If someone likes to communicate using their visual senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the picture”

“I see what you mean”

“Can you imagine that?”

If someone likes to communicate using their kinaesthetic senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the feeling that…”

“I need concrete evidence”

“Give me hard facts”

If you are talking to a client and you just don’t seem to be getting the connection or the understanding that you need – stop and ask yourself – how am I different to them?

It may be that you are speaking a “foreign” language perhaps by noticing their preferred style of communication and adjusting yours to match you’ll achieve rapport.

It’s Not Just The Words You Use

Studies have shown that only 7% of what is communicated between people is transmitted through the words themselves.

38% comes through the tone of the voice, the tempo, the volume and the timbre – or individual characteristics of the voice and

55% of communication, by far the largest part is a result of physiology or body language.

Let’s first understand what is meant by the characteristics of the voice.

You could mirror the tonality and phrasing, the pitch, the speed, volume, tempo – what sort of pauses does that person make?

What about the BIG bit though?

Body language or physiology – one of the fastest ways to build rapport with another person is to mirror and match their body language.

What aspects of another person’s body language could we mirror or match?

The facial expressions,

The gestures,

The quality and type of movements,

Mirror or copy posture….do they stand or sit up straight or are they slouched? Do they have their legs crossed or not? Do they have there hands in their lap or their arms folded or resting their hand on their chin?

Do they make lots of eye contact? What are their facial expressions….if they are looking sad – you wouldn’t want to be sitting there with a big grin on your face!

How do they breathe………long deep breaths, short shallow breaths?

Do they tilt their head to one side……you can mirror all of these things.

Obviously you might want to be a little subtle at times, mirroring and matching some part of their physiology not copying every posture and move – if they notice you’ve blown it! So use it wisely.

Combine that with matching the words or language that they use and you will have them as your friend in no time because whilst the words are working on the persons conscious mind, the physiology is working on the unconscious minds and the brain starts to think WOW! They’re like me!

Practice it, master it and watch your business grow!!

Watch for my next article – I Am In Rapport, Now What? Eliciting Buying Strategies.

For further information on this subject and to discover how coaching and training n this subject can help you and your business grow contact Tracey Dowe at Momentum People Ltd

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

tel: 01793 700929

Re-light My Fire – Ignite the Passion and Romance once more

February 11, 2008


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You’ve been together a number of years and you love each other very much. The passion and chemistry of the early months and years is now a distant memory, it was great while it lasted but your relationship is in it’s next phase now. Isn’t that what people call it when the romance goes and the “comfy with each other but not on fire” sets in?

 

How would you like to re-kindle that excitement between you? Create that spark that once burned so bright? Have your significant other fall totally and utterly head-over-heals again?

 

I can teach you very quickly how to do just that. Sound good??

 

Well, it’s actually very easy you just need to take a little time to ask some very important questions, discover what their strategy is for feeling loved by you.

Everyone has unique triggers or anchors that cause them to feel love and/or attraction. When you first get together you want to do everything to please the other person so you tap into all of these. As time goes on in a relationship you still love the person but do you still have the same intensity or focus on the relationship? You probably don’t express your love in the same way as you did back in the courting stages..

 

 Human beings have a specific set of triggers that cause us to feel deep feelings of love

 

Some of us need to be SHOWN we are loved. We need people to buy us things or take us places or look at us with a certain incredible loving look and there’s NOTHING! Nothing in this world that creates a deeper feeling of love for this type of person than that strategy.

 

For other people…you can show them all day long how much you love them but they need to HEAR it. They need to hear the words I love you – with a certain tonality, with a certain tempo and a certain way and unless you say it just like that it’s not going to work.

 

For other people, you can tell them all day long – you can show them, but unless you TOUCH them in a very specific way they’ll never feel the deepest level of love. They may feel like you love them generally, and that you’re close but the deepest feeling of love is triggered differently for every person you’ll meet.

 

So after the courting stage….when you expressed your love for this person…who’s love strategy do you express your love in???

 

Did you find out what makes them feel loved…..or did you assume that they would feel love the same way you do? That it’s triggered in the same way?

 

In the beginning you do it all, so you feel loved. Then you continue but show them love by your strategy. One day…they’re going to question whether you love them…or you will question whether they love you.

 

If you want your relationship to be deeply loving and passionate you have to know what the other person’s strategy is. Find out what makes them feel MOST loved. Ask the person that you are in a relationship with this question:-

 

“Can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

 Then use the process of elimination to find out which one of these three is strongest for them.

 

 “In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I show you I love you by buying you things, taking you places, or looking at you in a certain way?”

 

 If you get an non committal answer then ask:-

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

Make sure they can remember a specific time and then continue

 

“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I tell you I love you in a certain way?”

 

If they say  “well, yeah” or something like that you may be closer but it isn’t it so ask this –

 

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?” put them back in state….…..“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I touch you in a certain way?” 

 

One of these questions will give you the right answer. If it’s touch…find out the specific touch. Communicate every single day and use their strategy. Reach them at the deepest level.

 

Work at creating moments and positive anchors. Take time to do something special together at least once a month. Be spontaneous.

 

To make your relationship work…give what you want to receive in that relationship. If you want respect then give respect. If you want love then give tons of love. If you want passion then give tons of passion. Give what you want and you will receive back everything that you want.

 

The quality of a relationship comes down to the quality of your commitment to making it work. Nothing in life that has any value can be created without absolute commitment. Relationships are the essence of life. The more deeply you can share with another human being life’s experience…the greater quality of life you will live.

How to create an Extraordinary Relationship

February 11, 2008

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1. Learn to love yourself.

You can’t give to other people what you haven’t learned to give yourself. How do you expect any one else to cherish you, love you and adore you when you do not treat yourself in this way?

All relationships start with YOU.

Write down 10 things that you love about being you.

Write down 10 of the wonderful qualities that you have.

Write down 10 things that you can do to show your appreciation for you.

2. Select the qualities you need in a relationship.

When looking for anything in life be it a person, and object, a job or a holiday you first have to decide EXACTLY what it is that you are looking for. Otherwise you will just drift, never knowing if you have found the right one or not. It’s no different when looking for your ideal partner.

How do we normally meet someone? In a bar or club, at work maybe or because they share a common interest? We just both happened to be in the same place and were both needing someone. You hit it off, have something in common and the chemistry kicks in. It’s a whirlwind of emotions, you get together…time goes by and when the chemistry fades you’re left wondering why you’re together.

By setting out our wants, needs and must-haves in a relationship in advance we run a much lesser risk of spending a long time with the wrong person. When the chemistry kicks in and common sense disappears at least you have a pre-defined list of what you want to compare this person with to know if they are really what you were looking for. It’s so important to set out what we absolutely must have (and absolutely must NOT!) in advance if we are truly to find the Mr or Miss Right for us.

  • Define your Ultimate Soulmate

Who is the man/lady of your dreams? What physical attributes do they have? What height are they? What weight? What colour hair and eyes? What age are they? What do they wear and look great in?

    What career do they have? What kind of income?

    What hobbies and interests do they have?

    Should they have kids? Should they want kids? Should they have none and want none??

    What characteristics do they have? Are they funny and witty? Intelligent? More intelligent than you or less intelligent than you? Do they like to keep fit or to relax a lot? Do they play sport or the PSP?

    Are they vegetarian or a red-blooded meat eater? Do they like to socialise or are they quiet shy and retiring? Are they extrovert or introvert? Life and soul of a party or a wall flower?

    Who is your ideal partner.

    Which of these is a MUST and which would be great to have?

      • Mate from hell!

        Normally I would not even go to the negatives but here, well, it is SO important to have this list to combat making a poor partner decision when the chemistry is raging. List below all of the attributes this person must no way have. What will you absolutely not stand for in a person or relationship?

        This one is probably easier than the first as we usually know what we don’t want better than what we do, so go on….make that list!

        For example:-

        I will absolutely NOT have a person who is abusive mentally or physically. No coach potatoes. No rudeness. No-one who is foul-mouthed. Etc.

        Your turn.

          • Define the Ultimate Relationship

            Describe now the relationship you will have with your ideal person. What will you do together? Where will you go? What goals will you share. What will people say about you as a couple. Write down everything about your ideal relationship.

            3. The final step

            So here it is, the final step in the journey to finding your ideal mate.

            No matter where you go and what you do to find this ideal mate your past relationships and your future ones all have one thing in common.

            You take YOU with you.

            So – in order to succeed in love….

            What kind of person would YOU have to be to attract your ideal mate?

            Like attracts like. That’s the basis of rapport and rapport gives us that deeper connection. You need to become the sort of person you would like to find. Describe the values, characteristics, conduct, and habits you would need in order to deserve the mate you just described.

            So, I hope that you have written down the answers to all of the questions above. When you commit to finding this ideal person and become the person you want to be with some ting magical happens and I know from my experience that this absolutely works.

            I wish you every success in finding true love and hope that you will share your experiences with us too.

            Love and Blessings

            Anchors Away!

            December 4, 2007

            An anchor is “A created association between a specific stimulus and a specific state i.e. a specific emotion.”

            Any time a person is in an associated, intense state, if at the peak of that experience, a specific stimulus is applied, then the two will be linked neurologically.

            The intense emotional state may be a resourceful state such as confidence, love, joy, passion, excitement, certainty and equally could be an unresourceful state such as anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt, loneliness, grief, disappointment. Each of those emotions can be easily linked to a stimulus or a trigger either inadvertently or deliberately.

            For example you’re at a funeral of a loved one and the funerals guests all come up to you and touch you on the arm as they express their sadness. Now you could be out at another social event – a wedding perhaps, feeling great and someone comes up to you and touches you on the arm in that place – all of a sudden you don’t know what happened but you feel so sad and upset – just like you felt at the funeral..

            Negative anchors are often set up between couples or in the work place.


            You arrive at the office or home from work and you’re telling your colleague or spouse how awful it is, what a bad day you’ve had, feeling bad – looking at their face, feeling angry looking at their face.

             One day you’re having a fantastic day – everything is going great – you feel amazing and you walk into the office or arrive at home all excited to tell your colleague/spouse and you see their face ………

            And you feel upset, angry, frustrated.

            Ooops!

             

            Negative anchor!

             

            The good news is that when we recognise negative anchors – we can collapse them and replace them with a much more empowering emotion instead. A great tool to have if you want to remain happy in your relationship,  to enhance team work in the workplace and to have your customers associate you with feeling good and want to not only come back themselves but to also recommend you to their friends. 

            Equally useful is to create resource anchors i.e using resourceful emotions quickly and easily when ever we want to. Anchors that we can set up in advance so that they are at our fingertips the moment we need them. Imaging being able to feel courage and confidence instantly before going to an interview or in for a meeting with your boss. How would life be if you could feel joy and happiness in any moment no matter where you are or who is around you? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel fantastic any time just because you chose to feel that way?

             

            Well – once  you understand anchoring, how to create resource anchors and collapse un-resourceful anchors you can do just that. Live life in a more empowering, inspiring and enjoyable way – every day!


            To find out more or to find out how contact Tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk