Archive for the ‘self esteem’ category

Unfaltering Confidence At The Flip Of A Switch!

April 2, 2008

   j0386802.jpg Self confidence seems to be a rare and much sought after commodity in this day and age. It is the one thing that clients come to me for help with more than any other challenge. It is important to your self-esteem, to your self image, to your relationships, to your career and to your business.

 

Beliefs – The Root of All Evil

 

A lack of self confidence has it’s roots in beliefs. Beliefs about who you are, what you are capable of, what you look like, what others think of you. Those beliefs have been formed throughout our lives, particularly in our formative years through feedback, or lack of it, from our parents, siblings, teachers, friends and other peers. That feedback may have been in the form of hurtful comments, chastisements, being made fun of or bullied, name-calling perhaps, kids and parents can be quite cruel with their comments can’t they?

 

When that happens with little or no counter-balance of positive encouragement and reinforcement, little praise when we do something good, little encouragement to develop our skills to our potential, a lack of cheering us on to flourish we end up with a lop-sided view of who we are and believe all of the negative things about ourselves. It devastates our confidence.

 

Plant Seeds In Good Soil

 

That confidence may have taken a bashing, the good news is there is always enough left, even the tiniest spec, that we can nurture and grow again and discover who we really are and the gifts we have to give through being confident again.

 

It begins with identifying those beliefs about ourselves that stop us being confident. What is it that scares you? Holds you back? What thoughts pop into your head? They most likely start with “I am [insert your favourite head trash here]”

 

The Truth Will Set You Free

 

Did you ever believe something in the past though that turned out to be not true? And although you believed it with all your heart at the time you have now recognised that it wasn’t real and now you have the truth. A new belief.

 

For instance, when you were little did you believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Clause? Sorry if I’m about to burst your bubble here – they were not real! And you know that now or for some people you perhaps believed that you were a new home owner, you just bought a new house, are you still a new home owner 10 years down the line though? Or have things changed?

 

So what you believe about yourself right now may well not be real, it’s just a perception that you have had of yourself and not questioned until right now.

 

 

 

You Are Amazing

 

So I want you now to find the truth about who you really are. What is the opposite of that old lie? If you were to remember now all of the great things about yourself that you have kept hidden what would the truth be?

 

Write down 40 things that are great about yourself, why are you amazing? What gifts do you have?

 

Once you have that list use it to create a new belief about yourself. When you create an identity for yourself your unconscious mind has no choice but to make that a reality. It has to make changes to ensure that what you believe is true for you.

 

Allow That Seed of Confidence To Grow

 

Now that the seeds of the new confident you have been sown keep them fed and watered so that they can blossom. Remind yourself every day how wonderful you are. Add to the list of 40 things every day for a week to reinforce your new belief.

 

Every morning before you leave the house and every night before you go to sleep close your eyes and see the new you doing something in your daily life with a new confidence. See yourself standing, walking and acting confidently. What is your new posture like? Hear the words that you say to your new confident self and that you say to others. Hear the words now spoken to you as people admire your new confidence and presence. Feel what it feels like to be in control, to be confident, to feel proud of who you are and what you have to give. Play it out in your mind making it as real and vivid as you possibly can. Visualisation accelerates progress as the brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined. It thinks it IS you and therefore when you use it in real life it will be natural for you to be confident.

 

Smile, put your shoulders back and hold your head high and see what a difference it makes to those around you.

 

If you want to know more about being confident in every day social and business situations look out for more articles next month.

 

For information about coaching and training in confidence and self esteem contact Tracey Dowe

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

Or call 01793 700929

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

 

 

 

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Weighty Words

March 5, 2008

scales Weight Loss and dieting are something that will be on the minds of many of you as the weather starts to get better and our thoughts turn to those summer holidays. There are hundreds of diets and exercise programs out there to choose from yet it’s more a function of how we think than what we eat. ‘Yo-yo’ dieting is an all too common occurrence. Why do we eat foods we KNOW add weight and inches to our waist and hips? Why do we sit in front of the tube for hours at a time instead of going for that wonderful walk in the park? The answer lies in our MINDS.

You’ve all heard of the saying “You are what you eat”

WRONG!

You are what you think.

It’s not just what you put in your mouth that affects how you look, it’s the words that you put in your head that does it. We all have conversations with ourselves though we don’t all like to admit it and how often do you take the time to really analyse that self talk? Stop and notice, are the words positive or negative? Do they make us feel fantastic or faulty? Do we tell ourselves how great we are? How awesome we feel? Do we tell ourselves “Hey – I love you, you’re amazing!!”

Take a minute now and tell yourself what you like about yourself. You will be amazed how difficult it is to do. We’re just not used to it. We’re used to putting ourselves down instead. “Look at me still fat” “I can’t believe I can’t lose the weight” “I can’t believe I put it all back on again, I’m hopeless.”

If you talk to yourself in a positive way, what do you think happens to your state? What happens to your confidence? It soars doesn’t it? Your unconscious mind then hears how great you are and must do what ever it takes to be congruent with your identity, therefore it has to do what it takes to make you great. If it hears that you’re a failure, it has to make you a failure.

So the words that you speak to yourself with are absolutely key in every area of your life, including your body shape and weight.

The unconscious mind needs to be spoken to in the positive as it does not recognise negatives. Let me demonstrate that to you really quickly. Right now don’t think of a pink elephant. Don’t think of it. What did you immediately think of? Yep, right before you switched your thoughts you thought of a pink elephant! So, when setting targets be sure to tell it what you want not what you don’t want otherwise what you don’t want is what you’ll get.

Set clear goals for your health and weight. For instance I want to be Xstone and Ylb instead of I want to lose xxxx lbs. I want to be able to run this distance instead of I don’t want to be tired any more. Get the idea? Great. Along side those clear goals write down what it means to have achieved those goals, as if you already have. What has it given you? How do you feel? How does it affect those around you?

Equally, if you don’t reach them what will it cost you in terms of who you are, how you feel? How you look? How is your self-esteem now? Really get some leverage on yourself here.

Finally, only share your goals with people who will support you through the ups and downs, cheer you on and challenge you, remind you why you’re doing it and tell you how proud they are of you. You become the people that you spend the most time with so pick your peers carefully.

There is so much more to learn about how your unconscious mind can support you in reaching your health and weight goals. I hope that you’ll look out for more information here and ask me about it if we meet.

For further information about this subject, coaching on health issues or training events contact:-

Tracey Dowe

Email Tracey.dow@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

Tel: 01793 700929

SWISH!!!!

January 31, 2008

j0341393.jpgA fantastic way of changing your focus INSTANTLY is by using something called a swish. The Swish Pattern was developed in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to develop self-esteem and it can be used at will whenever you want to replace an undesirable state with an empowering one.

The swish conditions your brain so that as soon as you start to think about something you know makes you feel a certain way, e.g., lonely or sad – as soon as those thoughts and feelings begin, your brain instantly recognises them and replaces them with an empowering set of thoughts, feelings and visions of the new energetic you!

How cool a tool is that to have at your disposal?! And the beauty of it is you can use it for so many thoughts and feelings, it’s really quick and easy to do, and it can be a permanent fixture once installed! So, how to create a swish pattern?

You may need to read through the instructions a couple of times to understand them fully before trying it, and practice makes perfect – repeat it over and over and over to make sure it gets anchored in. It may sound silly and feel strange at first, but if you do this and really get it fixed it will happen naturally when you choose to use it. Often this occurrence will be very powerful.

  1. Identify a habit or feeling that you would like to change. Maybe it’s biting your nails, maybe it’s over eating, maybe it’s feeling a lack of confidence. Whatever it is for you.
  2. How do you know it’s time to do or feel that thing? I mean, what is the point of no return for you – that action or thought that triggers be behaviour and you just can’t stop yourself? For example with a nail biter – is it lifting your hands to your mouth? Or is it when your fingers touch your lips? Or, is it when you have the nail between your teeth?? What IS that point of no return for you?
  3. Do you have a picture of yourself looking through your own eyes, doing this behaviour of feeling this feeling? See that picture now as if you are in it, doing it.
  4. Now – what is the behaviour you would rather have? Or the feeling you’d rather feel? Do you have a picture? See yourself in the picture doing this new behaviour of feeling the new feeling.
  5. See the image of you as BIG, BRIGHT and COLOURFUL! Hear this ‘you’ say, “I feel good about myself” (or even stronger, inspiring words), and let the words wash over you, let them echo around you. Make it strong enough that you can FEEL THE GOOD FEELINGS!
  6. Excellent. Now, close your eyes and see the old picture of you as you do the old habit big and clear in front of you.
  7. Shrink the WONDERFUL YOU image down until it’s a sparkling dot and place it in the bottom left hand corner of the image of the negative you.
  8. Reach down with the opposite hand and grab the corner of the small picture of you in the corner and pull it up diagonally in front of you. Notice that as you bring it up and across the old picture the sparkling dot containing the WONDERFUL YOU begins to grow, enlarging until it becomes full size and in full colour. Meanwhile the negative image is shrinking, fading, becoming duller. It finally disintegrates (with a ‘Swisssh’) while you hear the positive words reverberate around you and you feel the positive empowering feelings inside.
  9. Next open your eyes to blank the ‘screen’ and repeat the above (step 4), starting with the sparkling dot in the corner 20 more times, faster and faster each time. (I said 20 and I mean 20!!! Don’t be cheating yourself by thinking you can do fewer!!)
  10. Test yourself. Does thinking of the unpleasant image automatically bring on the positive image and feelings? If not, repeat another 10 times, and test it again.
  11. Let the positive image be multiplied. Create thousands of copies, one behind another. Then, leaving one image right in front of you, toss the rest into the air and let them settle down all around you in concentric circles as far as you can see, in the past, present, and future. Hear them all say, “I feel good about myself” “I am confident and successful” “I passionate and positive” “I am a winner”. Allow those good feelings to wash over you.

Practice –

Test it!

Use it!