Archive for the ‘strategy’ category

How to Build Rapport with anyone Instantly!

April 1, 2008


Rapport It’s my experience that people do business with people that they know, like and trust. If you could build stronger relationships with your potential clients faster –would that be of value to you and to your business?

Yes? Then read on.

People like people who are like themselves or who they aspire to become.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and yet felt instantly comfortable with them? As if you’ve know them for ages.

Have you ever though, met someone for the 1st time and instantly disliked them or felt uncomfortable with them for no apparent reason?

Lots of sales people will say to me …well I’m already pretty good at rapport, I get on with most people….there’s always going to be a few that you don’t hit it off with.

I want to show you how you can get on with anyone, quickly and effectively so that you can do business with them. Even with the ones you wouldn’t normally hit it off with. This is important because they are the extra sales for your business and will give you the edge over the competition.

What is Rapport?

Rapport is that feeling of being comfortable with someone and trusting them.

A crucial component in any interaction particularly a sales interaction. It’s the first thing we need to establish and the most important thing to keep all the way through the presentation to the client.

We often don’t know WHY we like or dislike someone which makes me ask the question then “Where does rapport take place?”

In our minds we have two components – The conscious mind and the unconscious mind. The conscious mind likes to think it is in control. It’s the logical mind, the rational mind, the goal setting mind.

However, the unconscious mind is that part of us that runs the body. It’s the part that stays awake when we’re asleep, listening for the alarm clock. It’s the part that keeps us breathing without thinking about it, it keeps our heart beating and our spleen, dare I say it, spleening!

The conscious mind may set the goals but the unconscious mind is the part that gets the goals. It filters out irrelevant information and makes you take notice of the things you need to look out for, opportunities to meet your goal.

Rapport happens at the level of the unconscious mind so how can we use it consciously to help us build strong relationships quickly and easily?

How do you get into rapport with someone?

How To Get In Rapport

Start with the chit chat – Look for common interests, hobbies, acquaintances, places you have been to, styles of clothing you might like etc. Find some things in common by having a little chat before the sales process begins. You are looking to put them at ease and enjoy having you there.

In order to have this conversation and find the common experiences we have to exchange words AND you need to have good listening skills to notice what information they are giving so that you can use to good effect. You need to be ACTIVELY listening – all too often we’re so busy thinking about what we want to say next that we are not concentrating on what the other person is saying. Key point – be present with your client at all times.

Notice also the language that people use when they talk.

Now obviously I don’t mean are they speaking English or Portuguese here! I mean how do they choose to internally represent the world outside?

People tend to have what is called a dominant or preferred thinking style.

People prefer to communicate in one of three ways:-

Visual

Auditory

Kinaesthetic

We all use all three – we just have one that we prefer to use one more than the others.

What to look for……

If someone likes to communicate using their auditory senses they might use phrases such as

“I hear what you’re saying”

“That rings a bell”

“Tell me more”

If someone likes to communicate using their visual senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the picture”

“I see what you mean”

“Can you imagine that?”

If someone likes to communicate using their kinaesthetic senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the feeling that…”

“I need concrete evidence”

“Give me hard facts”

If you are talking to a client and you just don’t seem to be getting the connection or the understanding that you need – stop and ask yourself – how am I different to them?

It may be that you are speaking a “foreign” language perhaps by noticing their preferred style of communication and adjusting yours to match you’ll achieve rapport.

It’s Not Just The Words You Use

Studies have shown that only 7% of what is communicated between people is transmitted through the words themselves.

38% comes through the tone of the voice, the tempo, the volume and the timbre – or individual characteristics of the voice and

55% of communication, by far the largest part is a result of physiology or body language.

Let’s first understand what is meant by the characteristics of the voice.

You could mirror the tonality and phrasing, the pitch, the speed, volume, tempo – what sort of pauses does that person make?

What about the BIG bit though?

Body language or physiology – one of the fastest ways to build rapport with another person is to mirror and match their body language.

What aspects of another person’s body language could we mirror or match?

The facial expressions,

The gestures,

The quality and type of movements,

Mirror or copy posture….do they stand or sit up straight or are they slouched? Do they have their legs crossed or not? Do they have there hands in their lap or their arms folded or resting their hand on their chin?

Do they make lots of eye contact? What are their facial expressions….if they are looking sad – you wouldn’t want to be sitting there with a big grin on your face!

How do they breathe………long deep breaths, short shallow breaths?

Do they tilt their head to one side……you can mirror all of these things.

Obviously you might want to be a little subtle at times, mirroring and matching some part of their physiology not copying every posture and move – if they notice you’ve blown it! So use it wisely.

Combine that with matching the words or language that they use and you will have them as your friend in no time because whilst the words are working on the persons conscious mind, the physiology is working on the unconscious minds and the brain starts to think WOW! They’re like me!

Practice it, master it and watch your business grow!!

Watch for my next article – I Am In Rapport, Now What? Eliciting Buying Strategies.

For further information on this subject and to discover how coaching and training n this subject can help you and your business grow contact Tracey Dowe at Momentum People Ltd

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

tel: 01793 700929

Re-light My Fire – Ignite the Passion and Romance once more

February 11, 2008


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You’ve been together a number of years and you love each other very much. The passion and chemistry of the early months and years is now a distant memory, it was great while it lasted but your relationship is in it’s next phase now. Isn’t that what people call it when the romance goes and the “comfy with each other but not on fire” sets in?

 

How would you like to re-kindle that excitement between you? Create that spark that once burned so bright? Have your significant other fall totally and utterly head-over-heals again?

 

I can teach you very quickly how to do just that. Sound good??

 

Well, it’s actually very easy you just need to take a little time to ask some very important questions, discover what their strategy is for feeling loved by you.

Everyone has unique triggers or anchors that cause them to feel love and/or attraction. When you first get together you want to do everything to please the other person so you tap into all of these. As time goes on in a relationship you still love the person but do you still have the same intensity or focus on the relationship? You probably don’t express your love in the same way as you did back in the courting stages..

 

 Human beings have a specific set of triggers that cause us to feel deep feelings of love

 

Some of us need to be SHOWN we are loved. We need people to buy us things or take us places or look at us with a certain incredible loving look and there’s NOTHING! Nothing in this world that creates a deeper feeling of love for this type of person than that strategy.

 

For other people…you can show them all day long how much you love them but they need to HEAR it. They need to hear the words I love you – with a certain tonality, with a certain tempo and a certain way and unless you say it just like that it’s not going to work.

 

For other people, you can tell them all day long – you can show them, but unless you TOUCH them in a very specific way they’ll never feel the deepest level of love. They may feel like you love them generally, and that you’re close but the deepest feeling of love is triggered differently for every person you’ll meet.

 

So after the courting stage….when you expressed your love for this person…who’s love strategy do you express your love in???

 

Did you find out what makes them feel loved…..or did you assume that they would feel love the same way you do? That it’s triggered in the same way?

 

In the beginning you do it all, so you feel loved. Then you continue but show them love by your strategy. One day…they’re going to question whether you love them…or you will question whether they love you.

 

If you want your relationship to be deeply loving and passionate you have to know what the other person’s strategy is. Find out what makes them feel MOST loved. Ask the person that you are in a relationship with this question:-

 

“Can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

 Then use the process of elimination to find out which one of these three is strongest for them.

 

 “In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I show you I love you by buying you things, taking you places, or looking at you in a certain way?”

 

 If you get an non committal answer then ask:-

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?”

 

Make sure they can remember a specific time and then continue

 

“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I tell you I love you in a certain way?”

 

If they say  “well, yeah” or something like that you may be closer but it isn’t it so ask this –

 

“Well can you remember a time when you felt most loved by me?” put them back in state….…..“In order for you to feel these deep feelings of love is it absolutely necessary that I touch you in a certain way?” 

 

One of these questions will give you the right answer. If it’s touch…find out the specific touch. Communicate every single day and use their strategy. Reach them at the deepest level.

 

Work at creating moments and positive anchors. Take time to do something special together at least once a month. Be spontaneous.

 

To make your relationship work…give what you want to receive in that relationship. If you want respect then give respect. If you want love then give tons of love. If you want passion then give tons of passion. Give what you want and you will receive back everything that you want.

 

The quality of a relationship comes down to the quality of your commitment to making it work. Nothing in life that has any value can be created without absolute commitment. Relationships are the essence of life. The more deeply you can share with another human being life’s experience…the greater quality of life you will live.

Depression – A hereditary illness or a hereditary belief?

December 5, 2007


j0410127.jpgI came across a lady today who told me that she had taken antidepressants for 20 years, that she couldn’t live without them, they were her life line.  This reminded me of a previous client who told me a similar story a little while ago.  Both ladies had taken antidepressants for over 20 years. Both said they relied on them, neither had ever tried to stop taking them to see if they might be fine without them. Both believed that were clinically depressed and that it was inherited.

When I hear this story it makes me so sad and I know that there are those who would fiercely defend this story because they believe it, they have researched it or because they have taken being clinically depressed on as who they are. It has become their identity. None of that makes it true though does it and as an expert in neurostrategies I have to question it’s validity.

Everything we do is simply a process that we follow, a strategy. We have a strategy for getting up every morning, a strategy for choosing what to eat, a strategy for being happy and a strategy for feeling sad. And yes – a strategy for feeling depressed. Every one feels down at times, some more than others, but if we get in to the habit of running the same pattern of thought and action over and over it becomes a habit and we get stuck in it. If on top of this we get some sort of benefit from this pattern…..such as sympathy, attention, friendship, significance, connection…..what ever need it might meet for you…..then there is more reason to stay stuck than there is to change.

That’s when we get given a label and think that’s who we are, that we have no choice but it’s just a label. We can choose to keep it, replace it with a different label or simply take it off and throw it away at any time.

Now is the depression hereditary or is it simply a behaviour that we saw in our peers as we grew up and copied that behaviour because we thought that’s how you behave. Or, did that role model tell us that we would be depressed too and so we are innocently doing as we were told as a child? Is it then, passed down in the genes or, could it simply be passed down as a belief? The danger then is that we doom our offspring by giving them the same limiting belief and so it is perpetuated causing unnecessary suffering through generations.

I wonder then if we were to address the need that is being met by the depression and gave the person a better strategy to follow that would meet that need met in a more positive way and the limiting belief was replaced by an empowering belief  would that person really still be depressed? Could it be that every one can live a happy fulfilled life no matter what the circumstance if they choose the right strategies and beliefs?

I believe that thy can and that every one can if they change the way they think to change the way they feel, if they put themselves back in charge of their thoughts, feelings and actions instead of being fooled into thinking that they are at the effect of the world and what others do.

A bold statement…but I’ve seen people rise above the most challenging circumstances and win. I believe we all can if we choose to.