Archive for the ‘words’ category

How to Build Rapport with anyone Instantly!

April 1, 2008


Rapport It’s my experience that people do business with people that they know, like and trust. If you could build stronger relationships with your potential clients faster –would that be of value to you and to your business?

Yes? Then read on.

People like people who are like themselves or who they aspire to become.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and yet felt instantly comfortable with them? As if you’ve know them for ages.

Have you ever though, met someone for the 1st time and instantly disliked them or felt uncomfortable with them for no apparent reason?

Lots of sales people will say to me …well I’m already pretty good at rapport, I get on with most people….there’s always going to be a few that you don’t hit it off with.

I want to show you how you can get on with anyone, quickly and effectively so that you can do business with them. Even with the ones you wouldn’t normally hit it off with. This is important because they are the extra sales for your business and will give you the edge over the competition.

What is Rapport?

Rapport is that feeling of being comfortable with someone and trusting them.

A crucial component in any interaction particularly a sales interaction. It’s the first thing we need to establish and the most important thing to keep all the way through the presentation to the client.

We often don’t know WHY we like or dislike someone which makes me ask the question then “Where does rapport take place?”

In our minds we have two components – The conscious mind and the unconscious mind. The conscious mind likes to think it is in control. It’s the logical mind, the rational mind, the goal setting mind.

However, the unconscious mind is that part of us that runs the body. It’s the part that stays awake when we’re asleep, listening for the alarm clock. It’s the part that keeps us breathing without thinking about it, it keeps our heart beating and our spleen, dare I say it, spleening!

The conscious mind may set the goals but the unconscious mind is the part that gets the goals. It filters out irrelevant information and makes you take notice of the things you need to look out for, opportunities to meet your goal.

Rapport happens at the level of the unconscious mind so how can we use it consciously to help us build strong relationships quickly and easily?

How do you get into rapport with someone?

How To Get In Rapport

Start with the chit chat – Look for common interests, hobbies, acquaintances, places you have been to, styles of clothing you might like etc. Find some things in common by having a little chat before the sales process begins. You are looking to put them at ease and enjoy having you there.

In order to have this conversation and find the common experiences we have to exchange words AND you need to have good listening skills to notice what information they are giving so that you can use to good effect. You need to be ACTIVELY listening – all too often we’re so busy thinking about what we want to say next that we are not concentrating on what the other person is saying. Key point – be present with your client at all times.

Notice also the language that people use when they talk.

Now obviously I don’t mean are they speaking English or Portuguese here! I mean how do they choose to internally represent the world outside?

People tend to have what is called a dominant or preferred thinking style.

People prefer to communicate in one of three ways:-

Visual

Auditory

Kinaesthetic

We all use all three – we just have one that we prefer to use one more than the others.

What to look for……

If someone likes to communicate using their auditory senses they might use phrases such as

“I hear what you’re saying”

“That rings a bell”

“Tell me more”

If someone likes to communicate using their visual senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the picture”

“I see what you mean”

“Can you imagine that?”

If someone likes to communicate using their kinaesthetic senses they might use phrases such as

“I get the feeling that…”

“I need concrete evidence”

“Give me hard facts”

If you are talking to a client and you just don’t seem to be getting the connection or the understanding that you need – stop and ask yourself – how am I different to them?

It may be that you are speaking a “foreign” language perhaps by noticing their preferred style of communication and adjusting yours to match you’ll achieve rapport.

It’s Not Just The Words You Use

Studies have shown that only 7% of what is communicated between people is transmitted through the words themselves.

38% comes through the tone of the voice, the tempo, the volume and the timbre – or individual characteristics of the voice and

55% of communication, by far the largest part is a result of physiology or body language.

Let’s first understand what is meant by the characteristics of the voice.

You could mirror the tonality and phrasing, the pitch, the speed, volume, tempo – what sort of pauses does that person make?

What about the BIG bit though?

Body language or physiology – one of the fastest ways to build rapport with another person is to mirror and match their body language.

What aspects of another person’s body language could we mirror or match?

The facial expressions,

The gestures,

The quality and type of movements,

Mirror or copy posture….do they stand or sit up straight or are they slouched? Do they have their legs crossed or not? Do they have there hands in their lap or their arms folded or resting their hand on their chin?

Do they make lots of eye contact? What are their facial expressions….if they are looking sad – you wouldn’t want to be sitting there with a big grin on your face!

How do they breathe………long deep breaths, short shallow breaths?

Do they tilt their head to one side……you can mirror all of these things.

Obviously you might want to be a little subtle at times, mirroring and matching some part of their physiology not copying every posture and move – if they notice you’ve blown it! So use it wisely.

Combine that with matching the words or language that they use and you will have them as your friend in no time because whilst the words are working on the persons conscious mind, the physiology is working on the unconscious minds and the brain starts to think WOW! They’re like me!

Practice it, master it and watch your business grow!!

Watch for my next article – I Am In Rapport, Now What? Eliciting Buying Strategies.

For further information on this subject and to discover how coaching and training n this subject can help you and your business grow contact Tracey Dowe at Momentum People Ltd

Email tracey.dowe@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

tel: 01793 700929

Weighty Words

March 5, 2008

scales Weight Loss and dieting are something that will be on the minds of many of you as the weather starts to get better and our thoughts turn to those summer holidays. There are hundreds of diets and exercise programs out there to choose from yet it’s more a function of how we think than what we eat. ‘Yo-yo’ dieting is an all too common occurrence. Why do we eat foods we KNOW add weight and inches to our waist and hips? Why do we sit in front of the tube for hours at a time instead of going for that wonderful walk in the park? The answer lies in our MINDS.

You’ve all heard of the saying “You are what you eat”

WRONG!

You are what you think.

It’s not just what you put in your mouth that affects how you look, it’s the words that you put in your head that does it. We all have conversations with ourselves though we don’t all like to admit it and how often do you take the time to really analyse that self talk? Stop and notice, are the words positive or negative? Do they make us feel fantastic or faulty? Do we tell ourselves how great we are? How awesome we feel? Do we tell ourselves “Hey – I love you, you’re amazing!!”

Take a minute now and tell yourself what you like about yourself. You will be amazed how difficult it is to do. We’re just not used to it. We’re used to putting ourselves down instead. “Look at me still fat” “I can’t believe I can’t lose the weight” “I can’t believe I put it all back on again, I’m hopeless.”

If you talk to yourself in a positive way, what do you think happens to your state? What happens to your confidence? It soars doesn’t it? Your unconscious mind then hears how great you are and must do what ever it takes to be congruent with your identity, therefore it has to do what it takes to make you great. If it hears that you’re a failure, it has to make you a failure.

So the words that you speak to yourself with are absolutely key in every area of your life, including your body shape and weight.

The unconscious mind needs to be spoken to in the positive as it does not recognise negatives. Let me demonstrate that to you really quickly. Right now don’t think of a pink elephant. Don’t think of it. What did you immediately think of? Yep, right before you switched your thoughts you thought of a pink elephant! So, when setting targets be sure to tell it what you want not what you don’t want otherwise what you don’t want is what you’ll get.

Set clear goals for your health and weight. For instance I want to be Xstone and Ylb instead of I want to lose xxxx lbs. I want to be able to run this distance instead of I don’t want to be tired any more. Get the idea? Great. Along side those clear goals write down what it means to have achieved those goals, as if you already have. What has it given you? How do you feel? How does it affect those around you?

Equally, if you don’t reach them what will it cost you in terms of who you are, how you feel? How you look? How is your self-esteem now? Really get some leverage on yourself here.

Finally, only share your goals with people who will support you through the ups and downs, cheer you on and challenge you, remind you why you’re doing it and tell you how proud they are of you. You become the people that you spend the most time with so pick your peers carefully.

There is so much more to learn about how your unconscious mind can support you in reaching your health and weight goals. I hope that you’ll look out for more information here and ask me about it if we meet.

For further information about this subject, coaching on health issues or training events contact:-

Tracey Dowe

Email Tracey.dow@momentumpeople.co.uk

www.momentumpeople.co.uk

Tel: 01793 700929